Wooks Nationwide Set To Unionize

March 28, 2011 by TreyAntipasta

In a move that has shaken the Jamband community to its core, Wooks nationwide announced today that they will take the first steps to unionizing, with plans to be a fully incorporated Union by Memorial Day Weekend of 2011.

Early reports set the Molly Market more than doubling overnight, raising prices to over $200 a gram and set off a flurry of concern as to the rise in cost of lot goods and the normal 40 hour work weeks that Wooks would now be able to hold. “If a Wook were to unionize and work 40 hours before a show on Saturday, do I have to pay double for my drugs? Fuck that man”, said tour regular Larry Shake. “Why should I have to pay for their medical benefits? They aren’t going to use them. I mean seriously, the Wooks aren’t going to use their dental coverage. Who would even put that in the contract?”

Brah Tweed

Other concerns were brought to the head of the Wook Unionization movement,Brah Tweed, who spoke from Shakedown on Furthur tour Friday night. “All hardworking Wooks ask for is fair health benefits, retirement accounts and the respect of a kick down to get down.” Tweed added, “Yes, I see the irony of calling my fellow Wooks ‘hardworking’, but Molly doesn’t sell itself!”When informed that yes, drugs do sell themselves, Tweed muttered unintelligibly and stumbled off between two parked cars.

One of the biggest concerns facing Wooks is whether Phish tour counts as work or vacation. Partnership with both the AFLSD and the CIOHMYGODTHISISAWESOME is on hold until Wooks can get their shit together long enough to figure this out.

Despite hurdles, Wooks are planning the ‘1,000,000 Brah March’ which will take place when Widespread Panic, String Cheese Incident, Phish, Furthur are not touring and there are no festivals planned. The march will be held Christmas Day, 2011, in Manchester, Tennessee.

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