Wook Dreads Reported To Hold Cure for Wook Flu

April 19, 2011 by TreyAntipasta

Scientists at the National Institute for Heady Health (NIHH) reported today that a cure for Wook Flu was found in the unlikeliest of sources, the dreads of wooks. Dr. Henry Gabel reported that inspecting the dreads of dozens of donor wooks resulted in discovering, isolating and examining the cause of Wook Flu which was derived from remnants of Sammy Smith bottles.

The Root cause of Wook Flu was found within this mass of dreads


Wook Flu has been known to affect festival and concert-goers for the past decade, with a report 5,000 Wook Flu cases after Phish’s Fall 2010 Tour alone. A cure has been in the works for the past 4 years, once enough wooks made themselves available for non-invasive testing and answered a questionnaire regarding their travel and medical history. While most could not recall the last time they had seen a doctor, many wooks had traveled extensively around the country in the years prior, leading to the conclusion that the virus that causes Wook Flu is a composite of multiple strains of Sketch from across the country.

The sketch

Once the Sketch finds its way into a wook’s body, it makes its way to the most protected area in the body, the dreads. With no risk for washing or coming into contact with disinfectant, Wook Flu can then spread when dreads touch a passerby or when an unknowing admirer of the glass beads in the hair handles them, making themselves the carrier and infecting dozens through casual contact throughout the night.

With the strain of Wook Flu under quarantine, along with five wooks who were labeled a public health hazard, NIHH officials hope to have a vaccine ready by August 2011 and Phish Summer Tour’s Second Leg. Inoculations will cost 1 for 3, 2 for 5 and will be available exclusively on lot.

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