We all love The Waterwheel Foundation. Everyone loves Phish and charity! We like the tables at shows, the Gamehenge shirts, the free Ben and Jerry’s coupons and we love being able to find friends there at setbreak.
But with all the pins and shirts and $700 posters, the common fan looking for some special Phish merch is going to come up dry. We can get these thing on lot, and yeah, it’s for charity, we get it.
There has to be some more awesome stuff you get if you donate to Waterwheel. So the staff at The Phunion put on our thinking caps and came up with a tiered system to encourage more donations to The Waterwheel Foundation, with more awesome rewards.
Donate $5, get a Phish sticker, because all orders from Music Today that include them are eternally delayed
Donate $10, get a free stream of any future Phish show from LivePhish.com
Donate $20 and you can pick the color of Mike’s scarf for a future show
Donate $25, you can smell the scarf after Mike takes it off (if he takes it off)
Donate $40, Fishman will vacuum your car out
Donate $50, Fishman will use the Electrolux
Donate $56.70 and Mike will cut your hair off and weigh it.
Donate $75 and Trey will tell you what its like to be nominated for a Tony Award
Donate $90 and Trey will play a private show for you and a friend (setlist consists of two songs: Secret Smile and Time Turns Elastic)
Donate $100, you can watch Page eat a sandwich
Donate $150, get the leftovers from Page’s sandwich
Donate $200, make Page a sandwich of his choosing (supervised by an Army of One)
Donate $500, you can share a sandwich of Page’s choice with him
Donate $600 and Trey will piss in your ears (not real piss though, that’s gross. Let’s say lemonade)
Donate $800 and you can run the lights with Kuroda, during a day set only
Donate $900 and you can turn on those bright lights during the peak of Fluffhead, day set only
Donate $1,000 and get a vial of Page’s tears from Coventry (surprisingly limited quantities)
Donate $2,000 and Pollock will make a screen print of your face.
Donate $3,000 and the Giant Country Horns will start a convincing rumor they’ll play with Phish at a show of your choosing.
Donate $4,000 and Carini will get ya
Donate $5,000 and clean out (and keep some of) Fishman’s vacuum cleaner lint
Donate $6,000 and Mike will make a weird as fuck movie about you
Donate $7,000 and Phish will stop playing Possum for a week (on tour)
Donate $8,000 and Phish will play anything from 1997 like its 1997
Donate $9,000 and Phish will play the Tahoe Tweezer for you and 10 friends
Donate $10,000, get an actual working waterwheel. Seriously, how did no one come up with this before?
Donations are accepted at Waterwheel tables at Dick’s Sporting Goods Park this month, and all throughout Fall Tour. Tell them The Phunion sent ya.