In a shocking development that has left the Phish community stunned and confused, a recent study from Baruch College of Industrial Fine Art reports that 59% of all male Phish fans are ‘Gay for Trey’, yet nearly all of these fans are straight, and most single.
When asked what the disparity was, longtime fan John Zuck said, “Look, I’ve been clear with my sexuality, I am straight, I have a girlfriend back home inIllinois, but given the opportunity on tour, yeah man, I’m totally gay for Trey!”
Other male fans noted similar conundrums, “If Trey were to need me to, you know, play with his 8 foot florescent tube, well, yeah, why not? He’s done so much for me, a handie is a simple way of saying ‘thanks!’”
It was also reported that 89% of Phish fans are male, leaving the 11% of women to wonder openly, ‘So we should be getting laid more, right?’