Medical history and technological innovation crossed paths today, marking the first time a website was diagnosed with a human virus, a strain of treatable, yet nasty syphilis that was discovered within a number of posts on Phantasytour.com
“While this is not part of the Singularity, it is instead a side effect from the smut and negativity that has pervaded the internet, localizing itself on Phantasy Tour over the past decade,” noted Dr. Edward Gabel of the Centers for Disease Control. The diagnosis means that electronic penicillin will need to be administered, although health and ICANN officials are uncertain as to how to successfully do that. Gabel stated “If we want to get it under control, we’re going to have to simply start disinfecting the message boards on Phantasy Tour one by one. The Yonder and Dead pages won’t take long, but we anticipate over a month for each of the Phish and Bisco Phantasy pages”
A strain of this sort has not been seen since the early days of phans.com, which shut down due to an influx of Ebola in the late 1990s. Phantasytour hopes to avoid a demise from this strain of syphilis that will render it as barren as The Sloping Companion
Phantasytour.com CEO Paul Glace was unavailable for comment, but left his moderators up to the task of fielding any questions and complaints users may have. These questions and complaints will be fielded randomly and responded to without regard for content of the particular comment, regardless of the concern.
Reality Tour, however, is still up and running, despite featuring acceptable amounts of multiple strains of human viruses still as yet unidentified. Spokeswoman for Reality Tour, ‘thegerg’ issued a statement in regards to the news: “Whatevs. KYS n00b DIAF. This Kang could give a shit. RT is EpCoT”