You’re headed to Vegas and you want a little something other than Acey Duecey, Pai-gow Poker and $5 slot machines. What’s a Phish fan to do with all that trust fund money? The Phunion has the answer – Phish Prop Bets.
Find The Phunion and make bets on the following and WIN BIG! Unless Phish plays wingsuit>Velvet Sea for an encore, then we all suffer collectively.
PLACE YOUR BETS!!!
555, Fuego, Wingsuit are played, Odds: 1 to 1
A Mike’s Song over 8 minutes, Odds: 8 to 1
A Mike;s with a second jam, Odds: 100 to 1
Harpua, Odds: 1000 to 1
Icculus, Odds: 10000 to 1
Lushington, Odds: 82914 to 1
Antelope Greg ejected by security, Odds: 450 to 1
Trey nails guitar parts in Sugar Shack, Odds: 5000 to 1
Ghost played on Halloween, Odds: 3 to 2
Nitrous Mafia set up by the Wheel of Fortune slots, Odds: 25 to 1
Led Zeppelin album cover, Odds: 3 to 1
Arcade Fire album cover, Odds: 35 to 1
Phish fans don’t complain or bitch about this Fall Tour being lackluster: 9.3 x 10^6
With Phish probably, maybe so, maybe not playing an album this Halloween show, The Phunion got together and came up with a list of random covers that Phish should play instead of some album everyone is going to bitch about anyway. Add your ideas in the comments below:
Beck “Golden Age”, just to cause stats confusion.
“Viva Las Vegas” with special guest vocalist Jello Biafra.
Foo Fighters “The Pretender”, since Dave Grohl needs the money.
The Doobie Brothers’ “Jesus is Just Alright With Me”, because they already played “Jesus Left Chicago” and this will appease The Phellowship.
Daft Punk “Voyager”, to show that no matter what, Phish is better than Umphrey’s at everything.
ELO “Evil Woman”, dedicated to Page’s ex-wife, Sophie.
Trey Anastasio Band “Liquid Time”, yes, we called it a TAB song.
Taylor Swift “Shake”, Phish’s way of bringing attention to Parkinson’s.
Ozzy Osbourne “No More Tears”, dedicated to the Coventry Wading.
Megan Trainor “All About That Bass”, since it’s better than ‘Contact’ ever was.
Metallica “Master of Puppets” – is Fishman on par with Lars? Doubtful, but this will prove it either way.
The debate is over. All this talk of what tier some jambands are on is now settled. We used 3 scientific calculators, an abacus, two slide rules and a map of the stars to come up with this list. The result: a definitive list of jambands, ranked by tier
1st Tier – Phish
There is no other band in this tier for a reason.
2nd Tier – Grateful Dead, Widespread Panic, Bassnectar, Umphrey’s McGee
The Dead would be higher, but they couldn’t handle their shit.
3rdTier – Mike Gordon Band, Allman Brothers Band, Disco Biscuits, Gov’t Mule
Allmans would be higher but too many cancelled shows and we cant make the Beacon shows now.
4thTier – moe., Trey Anastasio Band, Dave Matthews Band, The Black Crowes, Hot Tuna, Tom Petty
AKA, the Dad Rock tier.
5th Tier – String Cheese Incident, The Motet, EOTO, Yonder Mountain String Band, Leftover Salmon, Big Head Todd and the Monsters
Colorado gets its own tier because Colorado is super fucking heady.
6thTier – The Big Wu, Blues Traveler, Spin Doctors, Keller Williams
Remember this tier? Nostalgia at its finest.
Tier 6.9 – Grace Potter
7thTier – The Nocturnals
8thTier – Galactic, Pat McGee Band, Conspirator, Lettuce, Soulive, Max Creek
Respectable company if you like good music.
9thTier – Dopapod, Papadosio, Twiddle, Pigeons Playing Ping Pong, Spafford, Aqueous, Turkuaz
Hop on the bandwagon fast before these bands explode
10thTier – RAQ, The New Mastersounds, Zach Deputy, Everyone Orchestra, STS9, Perpetual Groove
We didn’t know what tier to put these in so they go here.
11thTier – The Mars Volta, Clutch, Moss, Between The Buried and Me, Deafheaven, Meshugah, Mastodon
Metal Progrock bands are the original Jamband you hippies
12thTier – Kung Fu, Particle
The ‘Late night bands for when you are peaking’ tier.
13thTier – no one
Bad vibes on this tier brah.
14thTier – Digital Tape Machine, Ha Ha the Moose, Addison Groove Project, Deep Banana Blackout, Ekoostik Hookah, G Love and Special Sauce, Pork Tornado, Zero, Vida Blue
15thTier – Lawn Boys, Phix, Cubensis, Chum and any other Phish cover bands/wannabes
Stop trying to be Phish. Just stop.