October, 2013

  1. Phish Halloween 2013: The Case for Scary Monster & Nice Sprites

    October 31, 2013 by RobertPalmerPlore

    Yes, we once again plan to italicize the fact we 100% stole this idea from Relix, and yes we once again will set up pretty hyperlinks so you can read our cases for Kill ‘Em All, Hot Fuss, and No Doy.


    As we touched on in our case for Hot Fuss, Phish has kept things conservative and old school with their past musical costumes. JEMP marketing research not made public but leaked to us from a source that asked to remain anonymous has indicated that kids in dorms today no longer trade Phish tapes. The research went onto share that the average college sophomore would rather trade EDM files instead.

    With Phish fans getting older, the band is in desperate need of some youth interjection. What better way to do that then drop the Scary Monsters & Nice Sprites EP by Skrillex on Atlantic City. Who doesn’t love Scary Monsters on Halloween? Using a mix of their traditional instruments and the boom box that drowned out that legendary Blackwood Convention gig back in 1983, Phish could once again catapult themselves into the dorm rooms of America with a ferocious cover of this modern day classic.


    Why They Might Do It: If the set up above is not reason enough, how about the potential of injecting some new life into a musical outfit who has never feared trying new things? Not including remixes, Scary Monsters & Nice Sprites is four tracks spanning roughly 14 minutes in length. Clearly The Phish From Vermont will use songs like “Rock n Roll (Will Take You To The Mountain)” as vessels of lengthy improvised explorations of the legendary brown note, but look for “Kill Everybody” to be the true standout moment of the night. An ample opportunity to show the world that vacuum solos were the original dubstep bass drop, look for Fishman to have a field day with this uplifting ditty.

    Why They Probably Won’t Do It: It’s fucking Skrillex.


  2. Phish Halloween 2013: The Case For No Doy

    October 30, 2013 by RobertPalmerPlore

    Since we have yet to get a cease and desist from Relix for stealing their idea and making cases for Halloween Records Phish will never fucking cover, we have another one for you to dissect. Having already made cases for Kill ‘Em All and Hot Fuss, this time out we look at No Doy by moe.

    no doy

    From Portland to Portland, jam band fans have complained for years that Phish does not jam long enough, and that moe. jams are way too long. Thankfully with moe. taking Halloween 2013 off in order to pick up extra shifts at this McDonalds location, Phish may very well open the door for a revenue sharing program for jam bands similar to the one Major League Baseball has when they cover the 1996 classic No Doy.

    Clocking in at nearly 60 minutes, No Doy received a 3 out of 5 star rating from All Music. The first major label release from the upstate New York band can now be found in the bargain bin of one of the 183 used record stores left in North America. While moe. never made a music video for any of the albums songs, tracks like “Moth”, “Buster”, and “Spine of a Dog” are still played by the band at undersold club gigs across American, Europe, and sometimes Japan.

    moe potato

    Why They Might Do It: In addition to the fact that this would be the first time these songs have been heard by a large audience since moe. opened for Robert Plant back in 2002, the nine tracks found on No Doy are built for jams. With the recent visit to Glens Falls now in the rear view, Phish once again wants to stretch well into the morning of November 1st, what better way than playing the same 28 minute jam over and over again just like moe. has for nearly 25 years? Another great thing about this album – imagine how pumped Mr. Miner will be when he writes 10,000 words on Mike Gordon nailing the beefy vocals of fellow bassist Rob Derhak on “Bring You Down”? Another added bonus is this will be the first time The Baby’s Mouth hears the music of moe., and there is a very good chance they max out their parents credit cards following the band in 2014.

    Why They Probably Won’t Do It: The biggest thing going against Phish covering No Doy for Halloween is the jam band Illuminati. With moe.rons keeping track of how many times Chuck has kicked Al’s ass on stage night after night, they simply can’t allow for Trey Anastasio to show both of them up with his Ocelot guitar. Another issue with this album is the fact that it contains the worst take of “St. Augustine” released by moe. and Fishman would die of embarrassment from having to recreate the lackluster beats of Chris Mazur.

    We also worry that Philadelphia Eagles fans who make the trek to Atlantic City may take offense to the album’s final track Four. With the sting of watching their dog killing quarterback piss away another season, Eagles fans are almost as sensitive to jokes about themselves as Phish fans are. The last thing we need is a fight at a show. That shit only happens at Widespread Panic shows.

    Editor’s Note: Typically we would leave a YouTube link to the album here. However, no one has actually uploaded No Doy to YouTube, so here is five minutes of pointless banter from a past show.


  3. Phish Halloween 2013: The Case For Hot Fuss

    October 30, 2013 by RobertPalmerPlore

    In a similar fashion to Relix, we are sharing albums we feel Phish should cover in Atlantic City for Halloween 2013. Unlike Relix, our posts are not funny. Click here to read our case for Metallica’s debut album Kill ‘Em All.


    Since 1994, Phish has covered six albums on Halloween night. The most recent release was 1980’s Remain in Light by Talking Heads. While Purple Rain by Prince, Kid A by Radiohead and Oracular Spectacular by MGMT all ended up as campgrounds for Festival 8, 2013 will be the year that Phish covers an album released long after Ronald Reagan took controls as puppet president of the United States of America.

    While countless albums have been released since Remain in Light, there is one single album that is screaming for Phish to cover it. That album is Hot Fuss by The Killers. Released a few short days after Trey Anastasio broke Phish up, The Killers picked up the torch of ‘band most white people enjoy dancing awkwardly to’ at the exact same moment Page began to cry at Coventry.

    Featuring five massive radio singles, Hot Fuss put the final nail in the coffin of the faux hippie trend that spread across America like wildfire during the 1990’s. With the nation involved in two wars, this was no time to be a hippie. Instead Hot Fuss turned the youth into faux hipsters decked out in v-neck shirts and cropped pants. You couldn’t walk into an oxygen bar in the middle part of last decade without hearing Mr. Brightside played at maximum volume. Without Hot Fuss knocking down the doors of acceptable music for douchebags in Von Dutch hats everywhere, Trey Anastasio would have never had a chance to work with Mates of States and The National on that last solo album we can’t even remember the name of.

    the killers

    Why They Might Do It: Little girls love The Killers. Since the various children of Phish won’t be able to Trick or Treat on Halloween night, the boys from Vermont will do everything they can to look cool in front of their kids. With Hot Fuss, they can do that, while not selling their souls by covering something as dreadful and uninspired as the guy whose Dad played Jason Seaver on Growing Pains. This is also a great chance to stretch “Somebody Told Me” into Tahoe “Tweezer” territory, because that’s something the world really needs in 2013. With Fish typically taking vocals during Halloween gigs, we feel “On Top” would be appropriate, because do you really think Jon is a bottom? Another added bonus is the fact The Killers only have four members and plenty of keyboards, so Page will actually have something to do besides eat sandwiches and watch re-runs of House.

    Why They Probably Won’t Do It: The biggest challenge facing Phish in covering Hot Fuss is the structural integrity of Boardwalk Hall. With the thunderous bass line opening of the albums first song, “Jenny Was A Friend Of Mine”, we all know Mike Gordon could destroy the building before Anastasio gets the opportunity to flub lyrics about ‘fights on the promenade in the rain.’ Could you imagine checking the Phish From The Road Instagram feed to discover that the only survivor was Antelope Greg? Another problem with this album cover is the entire second half. With the first half of the album featuring all the hits, chances are phans would sneak out during the second half of the set in hopes of getting another round of beers before Phish returns to being the profitable 90’s nostalgia act that we have grown to love since that Barry guy from Illinois failed to deliver the Change he promised us.

    One final thing going against Phish when it comes to covering the music of The Killers: not a single member of Phish on their best day will be as pretty as Brandon Flowers on his worst day.


  4. Phish Halloween 2013: The Case For Kill ‘Em All

    October 29, 2013 by RobertPalmerPlore

    As every rat on couch tour has tweeted about for the last week, it is kangfirmed that Phish is going to play an album from 1983 this Thursday night in Atlantic City. While you can find cases for Chocolate & Cheese, Thriller, and even Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots out there on the world wide web, there is one album that screams for Phish to cover it on Halloween night. That album is Kill ‘Em All by Metallica.

    kill em all

    When it comes down to it, both Phish and Metallica have followed similar career paths. In the early days, both bands avoided MTV while focusing their attention to the road and creating a killer live show. By the time the 1990’s came around, both bands took unique paths of trajectory in bringing the underground to the main stream. While Metallica clearly enjoyed more commercial success than Phish as Enter Sandman got far more plays than Down With Disease, both bands suffered from unfortunate haircuts during the mid 1990’s. We should also point out here that both bands have four members, because as many respectable fan publications will tell you, Phish would never tackle and album from a band with numerous members. Sorry Slipknot and Arcade Fire.


    The biggest hint comes not from the fact that both front men have had long stints in rehab, but a stage shared in Atlantic City back in 2012. As Phish.net is kind enough to point out, Trey Anastasio of Phish requested that fans write Metallica and if they could reach 20,000 individual letters, perhaps Metallica would change up Master of Puppets. Rumor has it that only 17 letters made it to Metallica before Lars Ulrich put a cease and desist on the operation. Thankfully, one of those letters from a fan named Meearf made it into the hands of Kirk Hammett. While Hammett was unable to convince Lars and James to change the ending of Master of Puppets, he did reach out to Phish management and informed them that if Trey really wanted Metallica to change up Master of Puppets, he needed to line the pockets of Lars and James. What better way than to cover an entire Metallica album? Thus the legend of a Kill ‘Em All Halloween was born.

    Why They Might Do It: Phish guitarist Trey Anastasio has already gone on record sharing that he wants to cover Master of Puppets, so why not cover Kill ‘Em All? Need another hint? Look no further to the explorations in distortion that Mike Gordon has experienced over the past year. Clear as day that he is aiming up for massive bass bombs during “(Anesthesia) Pulling Teeth.” For those obsessed with cloud images in fall tour artwork, know that is simply an ode to late bassist Cliff Burton, who will look down upon Atlantic City from heaven as Phish tears up Metallica’s debut album. Another positive sign is how rough the vocals of Mike and Trey have been this tour (especially in Hampton). Clearly they had been doing more screaming than singing in practice leading up to this tour.

    Why They Probably Won’t Do It: Phish are simply too old to play 45 minutes of pure unadulterated thrash metal. While Lars Ulrich isn’t the world’s best drummer, chances are Fish would need an entire banana tree to make it through songs like “Hit The Lights”, “Whiplash”, and “Seek and Destroy”. Likewise, Page McConnell would look really silly recreating the monstrous riffs of Hammett and Hetfield. Sadly the biggest reason Phish won’t cover Metallica’s Kill ‘Em All is the fact they don’t want to deal with Dave Mustaine crying to Fox News about it for the next 18 months that he didn’t get royalites for all the songs he wrote for the album.