April, 2013

  1. With Kuroda becoming a true Beleiber, Waful called up from minors to run Phish’s lights

    April 28, 2013 by TreyAntipasta

    It has become a piece of Phish trivia to know that Chris Kuroda, lighting director for Phish over nearly the band’s entire 30 year career, has been ‘moonlighting’ as lighting director for Justin Bieber’s ‘Believe’ Tour, now well into the European leg of  the tour. But what one could not expect is for Kuroda to find himself enamored by the Bieber tour life on the road, more so than that of Phish. For this, and other reasons, Chris Kuroda is signing on as the permanent Justin Bieber lighting director, leaving behind Phish for greener pastures.   “I love Phish but man, have you even seen the crowds that Bieber brings in? They’re huge and with the lights being even bigger on Phish tour, plus being able to go to Europe again, especially the big rooms…. I mean, how can I pass this up?” said Kuroda over Skype from Copenhagan. “Beliebe be, this wasn’t an easy decision, but I justin had to do it.”

    Jeff Waful, lighting director/designer for Umphrey’s McGee and widely considered second only to Kuroda, will reportedly be called up to the big leagues to light Phish’s 2013 summer tour. BieberDanKanterPhoto1 Chris Kuroda has become invested in Bieber fans, who he reports as having “shown him the light of day and opened his eyes to the real, true music.” Phish fans everywhere collectively felt a pinch in their gut, followed by dull vision and disillusionment at the prospect of no Kuroda to light shows as he has since the late 1980s.


    Dan Kanter, who brought Kuroda on board for the ‘Believe’ World Tour, let out a half smile, knowing he was that much closer to getting Trey’s number. “I’m happy for him, and it was his decision. I’m glad I brought him on board for the tour and hoped that he would reciprocate this summer back in the states……. Man, this backfired completely didn’t it?’ Kanter, a Canadian and therefore incapable of swearing or being anything but polite, then went on a profanity-laced tirade, including a litany of ‘Gosh Darnits’, ‘Fuddle Duddles’, ‘Eh!-holes’ and ‘Budweiser!’.

    phish lights Jeff Waful, hearing the news, reportedly said, “Working for Umphrey’s may have been the minors to some, but it was the majors for me. Even though the bus isn’t as nice as Phish’s will be, and we’ll be playing big towns and skipping backwater burbs, yeah, I’ll miss it. But hey, Phish, right? This will bring Jeff Waful +1 to a new level.” Drama did accompany Waful’s slated departure for Phish, recalling a recent incident on the bus. “I was watching Bittersweet Motel on my iPad and Bayliss caught me and ended up smashing it out of anger. He couldn’t take the fact that I was leaving. I don’t know, I mean, I’ll see him on the road, right? I have to do this. It was like a lightbulb that I had perfectly timed to go off in my head when I had that thought, just went off in my head.”


    While the transition may be rough for some fans, fear not – Umphreys has planned to perform one of their popular song mashups, incorporating Umphrey’s tunes and Phish tunes, notably “Meat in the Kitchen”, “All of These Dreams in Time” and “40s Theme from the Bottom”.

    No report if there was anyone else in contention for the position with Phish, as no one can name another lighting guy other than Kuroda and Waful.

  2. Fishman to endorse Preparation PH

    April 1, 2013 by TreyAntipasta

    Phish fans may soon see a familiar face on daytime television as drummer Jon Fishman has signed a lucrative endorsement deal with Pfizer, the makers of Preparation H, for a new hemorrhoidal cream aimed at drummers and Phish fans, Preparation PH.
    Jon Fishman with Phish
    Having spent much of the past 30 years playing drums and sitting down for 3 or more hours with only a short ’15 minute’ break in between, Jon’s familiarity with hemorrhoids is greater than he would prefer. “My ass is killing me! Seriously, you wonder why we dont tour 8 months out of the year? Because Jon’s ass needs a break. I barely sit down while tending to the farm and raising my 8 kids, which is a relief, because playing with Phish is so intense, my ass breaks out in hemorrhoids about three songs into the first set.”
    Added Fishman, “And they flare up when Trey drops a second set Alaska. I’m sure the fans can relate.”
    Of unique note is the origin of the famous muumuu that Fishman wears on stage each night. Each circle represents the size of the hemorrhoids he gets each time he plays the drums, with the number of circles denoting how often they have gotten that big. “I have multiple dresses, a closet full at this point. It’s like a twisted merit badge sash, only with circles for when my ass is killing me.”
    Preparation PH will be sold exclusively on Phish Dry Goods where a tube will cost you $4.99 but shipping will run you a minimum $7.89 and will take 2-3 months to arrive.
    “Prep PH…put your hemorrhoid problems, behind you!”

  3. Hidden Track to Change Name to ‘Scotty B Really Loves Music’

    April 1, 2013 by TreyAntipasta

    To simplify the stream of music recommendations and news that pour out of the popular website Hidden Track, the creative team behind HT have decided to simplify the message behind the site and rebrand with a name that is more aligned with the website’s content. Starting April 2nd, Hidden Track will be renamed “Scotty B Really Loves Music”.


    The updated Hidden Track logo

    The updated Hidden Track logo

    When asked why the site would change its now familiar name, a source close to the name change remarked, “Hidden Track is by far the best music site out there today, and I love what the site has turned into in the past few years, but it was time to rebrand to reflect what the site truly is – music that Scotty B truly fucking loves! And all the more respect to him because the music he loves is pretty damn good! So it made sense to make the shift.”

    Music and topics that will be highlighted are some that Scotty truly loves, including, but not limited to…

    • Phish
    • Umphreys’s McGee
    • The Allman Brothers
    • Abe Laboriel, Jr., the drummer from Paul McCartney’s band
    • Bruce Springsteen
    • Ryan Adams
    • Wilco (especially Nels Cline)
    • Jennifer Hartswick
    • The organist at MSG who played “It’s Ice”
    • Frank Zappa
    • Early Elton John
    • Mike Francesa
    • GRAB
    • Joe Russo
    • Albany YEM
    • REM
    • Early Tweetdeck
    • Jackie Greene
    • Tauk
    • Talk
    • Little kids who are phenomenal at playing music on YouTube
    • Every single thing about Levon Helm
    • My Morning Jacket
    • Gene Ween

    Among the new features readers can expect is “Scotty Says”, which is similar to the game “Simon Says”, except when Scotty recommends his new favorite band, you win by listening to the music and seeing the band live. A play at home version is also in the works, which will be sold exclusively on Hidden Track.

    Additionally, Tyler Curtis of Shakedown Blog will have his own column, ‘Shit Tyler Listens to”, Brian Bavosa’s ‘Page Side High’ bi-weekly column that will actually be published every two weeks, and Parker Harrington’s Technology Tuesday column will begin to share music technology from the future, as he has, up until now, covered pretty much everything in existence.

    Look for ‘Scotty B Really Loves Music’ starting April 2nd!

  4. Phish’s new album to feature Darius Rucker on the Entire Album

    April 1, 2013 by TreyAntipasta

    An unexpected addition to Phish’s studio album was announced this week with Darius Rucker, aka Hootie of Hootie and the Blowfish, was added to the studio session. Apparently a long time fan, Darius paid for the studio time and flew the band to Charleston, SC for an intense week of song writing and recording. While Phish has been mum on the session, the track listing for the album has been leaked below, bearing a strong resemblance to 1994’s Cracked Rear View


    1)  Hannah Sweet Jane
    2)  Hold My Hand Up
    3)  Let Her Cry Baby Cry
    4)  Only Wanna Be With You Enjoy Myself
    5)  Running With The Devil (8-6-98) or Running Like An Angelope
    6)  I’m Going To The Old Home Place
    7) Drowned
    8) Time, Why You Wanna Turn Elastic?
    9) Walk Away
    10) Not Even The Silent Trees
    11) Goodbye Times Bad Times

    The album, so far named Hootie and the BlowPhish will release their first single “Time, Why You Wanna Turn Elastic?”, on June 18th to anyone who will pay for this likely shitshow in advance.  One bonus track, “Sometimes I feel Like An Ooh Child”, will be released to every 30th pre-order.