September, 2012

  1. Learn The Phish Alphabet with The Phunion!

    September 20, 2012 by TreyAntipasta

    A is for Antelope Greg. A is also for Asshole.

    B is for Big Balls.

    C is for Charlottesville naked guy.

    D is for Dicks. Because we all love Dicks.

    E is for Esther. Bitch got what was coming to her.

    F is for Fuck Your Face. Yes, YOUR face.

    G for Greg. As in Antelope Greg, who is still an asshole.

    H is for Hells Angels.

    I is for Icculus, because he wrote the fucking book.

    J is for JEMP cause who wants a Phish Blu-Ray release anyway?

    K is for Ketamine. K is also for K-hole, because what the fuck did you think would happen when you took a horse tranquilizer?

    L is for Let Me Lie. This is now the fourth Let Me Lie version released.

    M is for Marley who won’t stop barking and is ruining the AUD from ’88 we’re listening to.

    N is for Nitrous Mafia. Admit it, you’ve gassed a balloon after a show.

    O is for Ocelot. O is also for Overplayed.

    P is for, um … ah fuck it. We’ve got nothing for P.

    Q is for Quadriphonic Toppling, naturally.

    R is for Riker’s Mailbox, both the obscure track off Hoist and the Phish cover band inSt. Louis. We’ve heard good things.

    S is for SHUT THE FUCK UP WHILE PHISH IS PLAYING!

    T is for Thank you.

    U is for Umphrey’s McGee, who started out as a Phish cover band.

    V is for Vultures, but in a shocking upset Them Crooked Vultures came in with a higher cool factor than the Phish song.

    W is for Wook, even though we wish it wasn’t.

    X is for Xeyed and Painless which is actually spelled Crosseyed and Painless. Learn to spell you fucking wooks.

    Y is for You Enjoy Art Photos.

    Z is for Zimple, Zpock’s Brain, Ztorage Jam and Zand.

     

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  2. Mickey Hart Arrested – Wild Speculation Ensues

    September 13, 2012 by TreyAntipasta

    Upon news that Grateful Dead drummer Mickey Hart has a warrant out for his arrest for the potential assault of a Kentuckian, The Phunion began wildly speculating what could have happened. Our favorite theories:

    – Mickey got pissed off that Dave Schools ate the entire craft services table, again. He took it out on a PA.

    – Someone insulted Tyler Curtis, Mickey’s biggest fan, and Mickey got pissed.

    – The guy who got beat up told Mickey that Ringo Starr was a better drummer than him.

    – Having played Space hundreds of times finally got to Mickey’s head and he thought he was beating up an alien from Space.

    – Mickey Hart punched a heckler in the crowd who was yelling “Mickey Harts Planet Bum”  and “Real Drummers Don’t Wear Glasses.” The heckler was late discovered to be Bill Kreutzmann.

    In an official statement, Mickey said he didn’t expect to be the victim or the crime. So if this drumming thing ever falls through, you have a spot waiting for you as a staff writer at The Phunion.

    Mickey with his suspected weapons cache

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  3. Tipper Gore Reunites The PMRC After Her Son Gets Face Fucked By Phish At Dick’s

    September 7, 2012 by RobertPalmerPlore

    Last night in an undisclosed location outside of Nashville Tennessee, the PMRC allegedly had their first meeting in years. The numerous wives of politicians (with the most famous member being Tipper Gore) met over the concern of foul shenanigans occurring at rock concerts in America today.

    In the crosshairs of the PMRC is the Vermont based rock band Phish. It was a week ago when the band Fucked The Faces of thousands of loyal fans in Colorado. According to the guy who was selling those shady Google/Golgi shirts out in the lots at Dick’s, Albert Gore III was in attendance and his Mommy is furious over the lyrical content and subliminal message her son was exposed too.

    While there is no word how Mrs. Gore feels about her son being further exposed to cannabis at Dick’s (he was arrested back in 2007 for driving 100 miles per hour in a Prius while high as a mother fucker) the former second lady plans to lobby congress to put warning stickers on tickets of concerts that will feature foul language.

    As always our calls to Phish were not returned, though they did send us a sweet sticker and pre-order information for Trey’s upcoming solo record. Our calls to longtime PRMC foe Frank Zappa were also not returned, but we assume that is because he is dead.

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