Phish and Kenny Rogers best be careful because according to the guy who sleeps behind the Chipotle in beautiful Burbank California has shared with The Phunion that they have really pissed off some rock royalty.
As everyone from Burlington to Houston now knows, Kenny Rogers joined Phish this past weekend at Bonnaroofor a wonderful rendition of The Gambler. But according to our source (the guy who sleeps behind the Chipotle in beautiful Burbank California) Brian Wilson is furious over the fact Phish didn’t invite him on stage to drool through a performance of Help Me, Rhonda>Harry Hood.
Wilson was rumored to slur the following comment:
“Those ginger hippie fucks snubbed me at Bridge School back in 1998 and then they did it again last night at Bonnaroo. I’m a fucking Beach Boy. I outlived Dennis and Carl. Do you really think we wanted to play some dirty Tennessee farm at 3:00 in the afternoon? I only signed on to play with the Phish and they snubbed me. God Only Knows what I will do when I find Mike Gordon and use one of his scarves as a weapon.”
It should be pointed out that Wilson made his first appearance at the 1999 edition of Bridge School, a year after Phish graced the annual Northern California benefit concert. When The Phunion reached out to Phish about the possible threat, we were told they could not be reached for comment due to the fact they were practicing Down With Disease, Possum, Funky Bitch, Axilla, Cavern and all three sections of Harry Hood for their upcoming three day run at Bader Field in Atlantic City, NJ.
Last night, I got together with Mike, Page and Fish to talk openly about the strong feelings I’ve been having that Padres need help in the bullpen and that Phish as a summer job has run its course. Once we started talking, it quickly became apparent that the other guys’ feelings, while not all the same as mine (silly American League fans), were similar in many ways — most importantly, that we all love and respect the game of baseball and the fans far too much to stand by and allow the Padres to once again finish at the bottom of the NL West. We don’t want to become caricatures of ourselves, or worse yet, a nostalgia act. By the end of the meeting, we realized that Jamie Moyer is nearly two years older than me so a career as a big league pitcher is not a crazy idea at all.
So both legs of Phish summer tour have been cancelled and we will release winter 2013 dates moments after Buck and McCarver scream strike three as Baltimore Orioles star Adam Jones whiffs for the final out of the World Series. We are proud and thrilled that it will be the first time a rock and roll star has successfully transferred from the mound to the stage. We’re also excited for the All-Star Game in July as we will be performing the “Star Spangled Banner” shortly after that dude from Housewho looks like the coach from the Pittsburgh Steelers throws out the first pitch. For the sake of clarity, I should say that this is not like the hiatus, which was our last attempt to break into the world of sports. We’re done being a summer nostalgia act. It’s been an amazing and incredible journey. We thank you all for the love and support that you’ve shown us. Now PLAY BALL!
You don’t need The Phunion to share with you the obvious – times are tough in America in 2012. With gas floating around $5 and attendance for last summers’ Super Ball IX rumored to be about 28,000 a day many Phish phans have feared a lack of summer festival for 2012. Thankfully your need to worry is no more as Phish has found a way to not only have a festival, but make new “family” as well.
According to the guy at my Medical Marijuana clinic, his brother’s wife’s neighbor happens to be a make-up artist for Detroit hip hoppers Insane Clown Posse. Looking to spice up their annual Gathering of the Juggalos festival, we can now (un)officially confirm that Phish and Insane Clown Posse are joining forces for Superball of the Juggalos.
The four day event will take place K.I. Sawyer Air Force Base in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula over Labor Day weekend. Other artists rumored for the event will be Limp Bizkit, Strangefolk, Skee-Lo and Kottonmouth Kings. The base will be divided into two separate concert fields and camp sites as it is a well known fact that Wooks and Juggalos have been at war since Woodstock 99. According to our contacts, when asked about the feud, ICP rapper Violent J was quoted as saying “Who cares if they kill each other as long as I get paid.”
From our vantage point this is a win win for fans of both groups. Juggalos will get better drugs and Phish fans can cure cotton mouth with refreshing Faygo. As soon as the official details for Superball of the Juggalos are announced, The Phunion will be the first to let you know.
Dozens of male Phish fans gathered outside of Red Light Managements Los Angeles office on Sunday 03/11/12 to protest the unfair and unjust distribution of the bands tour dates. Dubbing themselves #OccupyRedLight the phans marched from the sold out Trey Anastasio concert at the Walt Disney Concert Hall and have started to camp outside of the corporate offices. Their goal is a simple reminder to Coran Capshaw that Phish does indeed have phans on the west coast.
“This is pure class warfare” said 22 year old Phish fan Timmy Tucker. “Like I am hearing three nights at the Bill Graham Civic and two nights in Eugene for late summer. What kind of horse shit is that? Tiny venues means all the east coast snobs fly in for vacation to a part of the world that doesn’t totally fucking suck. You stay in Jersey and upstate you fat pigs, let us have our shows.”
Earlier in the day there was some confusion outside of The Borderline in London. It was believed that an #OccupyRedLight London operation was forming but as it turns out it’s just four dudes waiting for the March 18th Mike Gordon concert. When asked the lack of Phish tour dates for their continent and a possible #OccupyRedLight movement, 29 year old Steve Greta said the following.
“Ahhhhh I think that is a mighty fine idea. I’d much rather see Phish close the Olympics instead of Blur”
Coran Capshaw and Red Light Management were unavailable for comment. Story Developing…