Posts Tagged ‘Phish’

  1. Phish Announce Spring 2017 Canadian Tour Dates

    November 9, 2016 by RobertPalmerPlore

    With a majority of their fan base now moving north because American liberals were dumb enough to think Clinton could actually beat Trump for President; Phish has announced dates for their first full-fledged Canadian tour. Sponsored by local favourite Tim Horton’s, the trek will feature 13 dates from coast to coast. Here is where you can catch the band that was smart enough to back Bernie Sanders knowing that Clinton would get her Ass Handed to her by a gross man who want’s to grab you by the Poster Nutbag.

    phish-canada

    Phish Spring 2017 Canadian Tour Dates

    3/16/17 Save-On Food-Memorial Centre/Victoria, BC
    3/17/17 Prospera Place/Kelowna, BC
    3/18/17 Prospera Place/Kelowna, BC
    3/19/17 Takhini Arena/Whitehorse, YT
    3/21/17 Multiplex/Yellowknife, NT
    3/24/17 Rogers Place/Edmonton, AB
    3/25/17 Brandt Cenrte/Regina, SK
    3/26/17 MTS Centre/Winnipeg, MB
    3/28/17 Air Canada Centre/Toronto, ON
    03/29/17 Canadian Tire Centre/Ottawa, ON
    03/31/17 Centre Bell/Montreal, QC
    04/01/17 Centre Vidéotron,/Quebec City, QC
    04/04/17 Mile One Centre/St. Johhn’s Newfoundland

    Phish tickets by Canada Post are on sale now. General on-sale begins 11/18/16 eh.


  2. Thank You! An Open Letter To Dean Ween

    September 30, 2016 by RobertPalmerPlore

    Dear Deaner,

    As someone who first witnessed the glory of the Boognish in person on a (not so) hot August night in San Francisco where Queens of the Stone Age were far too fucking stoned and there was actual pussy eaten during the L.M.L.Y.P encore; I wanted to take a moment to say thank you for your much needed words about your Lockn experience.

    dean-ween-1
    (Photo Credit: Ansel Adams)

    Clearly Phish is one of our favorite bands here at the Phunion. The music is top notch, the energy when they play is something from another dimension, and most of the time the community is pretty fucking spectacular. That being said, the community takes itself far too serious and to be blunt tend to be a bunch of fucking pussies. Your dual performances on Lockn proved that by the way these closed minded twat waffles melted faster than a Popsicle in the hot late August Virginia sunshine.

    When Phish plays a song like Fuck Your Face, fans rejoice. Yet these same fans can’t hang over something as innocent as worrying over a pony coughing up snot in the drive way. In a summer where Phish bust outs were few and far between, your band blessed the crowd with the magic of How High Can You Fly>Beacon Light and the crowd looked at you as if you had just shown a dog a card trick. As if that was not worse enough, the fact that you kicked the ever living shit out of Trey Anastasio upon the six stringed fret board during a fantabulous version of A Tear For Eddie should have put the fans of Phish in the palm of your hand. Sadly it did the exact opposite. Unable to acknowledge the fact you kicked the living shit out of the ginger Jedi, the massive crowd of pussies quickly retreated to their tents for the evening.

    Over both nights of Lockn, you blessed ungrateful Phish fans with deep cuts and classic Ween. Much like Phish you covered numerous genres of music, the only difference being you actually sound like a country band or a reggae band or a punk rock band while Phish always sounds like Phish. The lack of appreciation by many for your band screams volumes about just how closed minded Phish fans can be. Yet that’s not the reason we are thanking you today. We are here to pay thanks for the awesome post upon your recently revived AskDeaner blog.

    In a now deleted post (why Deaner, why?), you spoke the truth. You went out to kick the shit out of Phish and you did just that. Drop the fucking banner on the battleship, Mission Accomplished. Phish fans simply can’t handle that fact. They will call you sloppy and yet forgive the Down With Disease train wreck. What’s even better is how you have trolled them through the entire Lockn experience. From the photo of you posing with Trey’s guitar after your second Lockn set to the recent blog post every single fucking Phish fan is once again talking about Ween. Will it move more units of White Pepper? Probably not, but you have managed to rile up a closed minded fan base filled with people who will drop thousands of dollars to see Jon, Mike, Page, and Trey play in Mexico, yet fail to grasp the beauty of Bananas and Blow. Hell Trey begged for you guys to get back together and many Phish fans still fail to grasp the magic of Ween. Way to make these fans look like the assholes they truly are.

    ween-trey-guitar

    So thank you Dean Ween. Any true fan of music can find something to appreciate within the diverse catalog of Ween. Fans of both bands marvel in how you have managed to self-promote the joys of the Boognish among the pussies who claim your shows are too sloppy or offensive. #RealJournalists have turned your words into news to generate ad clicks on an otherwise slow Friday. From Twitter to Facebook, cries of Ween suck flood social media from fans who had never even heard of TV on the Radio before the night Anastasio made them famous in Albany. Everyone is talking about Ween on Trey’s birthday and it’s a glorious fucking thing that we are sure Trey is loving.

    So thank you for telling it like it is and thank you for putting those closed minded Phish fans in their fucking place. You sir are a fucking genius. Henry Rollins knows what’s up and so do we. We here at the Phunion salute you and can’t wait to paint Hollywood brown with you in less than two weeks. We also invite butthurt Phish fans to explain why Ween sucks in the comments below. They will try, but they will fucking fail because deep down inside they know that Phish had their Ass Handed to them by Ween at Lockn.

    Best Regards and fuck Olive Garden (sorry Virgil).

    Love,

    The Insane Frat Bros. Known As The Phunion


  3. In Defense Of Phish Wives

    June 27, 2016 by RobertPalmerPlore

    Here are a few things about my wife: She works her ass off in both commercial and private real estate. You won’t catch her in a church choir but she has allowed several gay men/drag queens to fondle her breasts at gay pride parades. She purchased the Farmhouse compact disc at a Warehouse Music in Menlo Park, California after a meal at Chili’s back when it was a new release. She saw the band Phish more in the 1.0 era than The Baby’s Mouth.

    My wife has allowed me to dress our older daughter in numerous Phish attire. The Muppets/Phish band member size 4T shirt is currently a big hit at our preschool. While our 5 week old has yet to fit into any of her hand me down band attire, my wife was fully supportive of me singing her Billy Breathes, Farmhouse, and even Slave to The Traffic Light as we looked out a UCLA NICU window last month, at a spot where Phish performed once in Los Angeles. While we have yet to catch a Bathtub Gin during bath time on a webcast, it will happen one day. My four year old splashed through the recent Space Oddity cover, and much like a Trey flub, I just smiled and shook it off.

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    Of the 35 (soon to be 37) Phish shows I have seen, my Phish Wife has been dragged along to 7 of those events. While not as low as the dentist who was made famous thanks to his blogging wife, not a bad chunk of shows for a life long left coast fan. Before we had kids, I went to Festival 8 and she went to Vegas for a girls weekend. Where I may never see a Halloween show again, it is not because my Phish Wife says I can’t go, as much as the fact that it is more important for me to watch my daughters collect candy as they walk through our neighborhood. I learned that lesson when, right in the middle of walking into the MGM Grand Arena on 10/31/14, I got a video from my daughter asking why I wasn’t there to watch her get this candy. Sometimes as a father and a husband, you need to be around. It’s a shocker, but there are more important things than Phish. Hell, that’s probably the reason the Vegas 10/28-10/30 rumor is so rampant. Perhaps Mike, Page, and Fish want to see their children fill orange plastic pumpkin buckets with candy bars?

    Yet, there are those magical times my wife does come with me. I think back to 2003 when she refused to flinch and didn’t want to be anywhere else but Inglewood for Valentine’s Day. Mike rocked a Fedora, the band played The Cover Of The Rolling Stone for the first and last time, and the Bathtub Gin on that particular evening was so fucking incredible it has finally found its way onto a Live Bait compilation. Then there was the time she said yes, we can drive our one year old up I5 for 6+ hours so I could catch the 2013 Bill Graham Civic run. On the night she agreed to go to the show with me for a rare night out without the kid, we each saw Weigh, Alumni Blues>Jimmy Page>Alumni Blues, and Lengthwise for the first time. While this was about as useful to her as the Spock’s Brain we saw at Shoreline back in 2000, she still smiled seeing how much fun I was having in the moment. If she was to log into her Phish.net stats, she would embarrass a lot of the #RealFans out there with 75+ shows under their belt with what she has seen in 7 shows.

    Phish will never be my wife’s favorite band. In fact, she would probably give her left toe to never hear Tweezer again. But she remembers that moment she saw The Inlaw Josie Wales at Shoreline and her smile was as bright as Kuroda lights. She remembers missing The Shins to hang with me at Outside Lands because she got to hear a David Bowie cover and they shot off Steam. She also remembers holding a crying 5 week old for hours and hours alone so I could see an average show in Long Beach. Sure she said no to Chula Vista 2014 since we had already RSVP’d for a wedding, but she supported my adventures to Santa Barbara, Inglewood, and Las Vegas and sucked it up and covered a very expensive UBER ride home from Inglewood in 2015. She embraces Phish because she embraces me and that is what is important.

    So where it is easy to bash Jenny Dunn Pray for her blog post, Jenny and all Phish wives deserves a lot of respect. She is helping to raise three kids. I know my home will be chaos on the nights of July 22nd and 23rd of this year as I take off to catch the final two West Coast shows of 2016. I assume her home of Vogue Phish Wife’s home has been the same when the husband leaves the pack in search of Phish. Jenny has found life lessons in her various Phish shows, even if she can’t grasp the glory of a man in a mumu playing a vacuum cleaner solo. It is not as if we are fans of Korn who perhaps comes around once every 1-3 years. We travel, we stream, we hyper-focus and obsess over this band. So where The Phunion poked a lot of fun at the latest essay from #PhishWives as only The Phunion can, we also understand that it is important to love and embrace them for the support they give to us 30 something white guys who just know that deep down inside this is the year we finally get to witness Ha Ha Ha live.


  4. The Phunion Ranked Jambands by Tiers, You Won’t Believe Where The McLovins Ended Up

    October 15, 2014 by TreyAntipasta

    The debate is over. All this talk of what tier some jambands are on is now settled. We used 3 scientific calculators, an abacus, two slide rules and a map of the stars to come up with this list. The result: a definitive list of jambands, ranked by tier

    4-tier-curved-swim-spa-step

    1st Tier – Phish
    There is no other band in this tier for a reason.

    2nd Tier – Grateful Dead, Widespread Panic, Bassnectar, Umphrey’s McGee
    The Dead would be higher, but they couldn’t handle their shit.

    3rd Tier – Mike Gordon Band, Allman Brothers Band, Disco Biscuits, Gov’t Mule
    Allmans would be higher but too many cancelled shows and we cant make the Beacon shows now.

    4th Tier – moe., Trey Anastasio Band, Dave Matthews Band, The Black Crowes, Hot Tuna, Tom Petty
    AKA, the Dad Rock tier.

    5th Tier – String Cheese Incident, The Motet, EOTO, Yonder Mountain String Band, Leftover Salmon, Big Head Todd and the Monsters
    Colorado gets its own tier because Colorado is super fucking heady.

    3tiercakestand

    6th Tier – The Big Wu, Blues Traveler, Spin Doctors, Keller Williams
    Remember this tier? Nostalgia at its finest.

    Tier 6.9 – Grace Potter
    Nice

    7th Tier – The Nocturnals
    RIP

    8th Tier – Galactic, Pat McGee Band, Conspirator, Lettuce, Soulive, Max Creek
    Respectable company if you like good music.

    9th Tier – Dopapod, Papadosio, Twiddle, Pigeons Playing Ping Pong, Spafford, Aqueous, Turkuaz
    Hop on the bandwagon fast before these bands explode

    10th Tier – RAQ, The New Mastersounds, Zach Deputy, Everyone Orchestra, STS9, Perpetual Groove

    We didn’t know what tier to put these in so they go here.

    Southern-Tier-LOGO11th Tier – The Mars Volta, Clutch, Moss, Between The Buried and Me, Deafheaven, Meshugah, Mastodon
    Metal Progrock bands are the original Jamband you hippies

    12th Tier –  Kung Fu, Particle
    The ‘Late night bands for when you are peaking’ tier.

    13th Tier – no one
    Bad vibes on this tier brah.

    14th Tier – McLovins, Digital Tape Machine, Ha Ha the Moose, Addison Grove Project, Deep Banana Blackout, Ekoostik Hookah, G Love and Special Sauce, Pork Tornado, Zero, Vida Blue
    Remember them?

    15th Tier – Lawn Boys, Phix, The Jauntee, Cubensis, Chum and any other Phish cover bands/wannabes
    Stop trying to be Phish. Just stop.


  5. Phish Halloween 2013: The Case for Scary Monster & Nice Sprites

    October 31, 2013 by RobertPalmerPlore

    Yes, we once again plan to italicize the fact we 100% stole this idea from Relix, and yes we once again will set up pretty hyperlinks so you can read our cases for Kill ‘Em All, Hot Fuss, and No Doy.

    skrillex

    As we touched on in our case for Hot Fuss, Phish has kept things conservative and old school with their past musical costumes. JEMP marketing research not made public but leaked to us from a source that asked to remain anonymous has indicated that kids in dorms today no longer trade Phish tapes. The research went onto share that the average college sophomore would rather trade EDM files instead.

    With Phish fans getting older, the band is in desperate need of some youth interjection. What better way to do that then drop the Scary Monsters & Nice Sprites EP by Skrillex on Atlantic City. Who doesn’t love Scary Monsters on Halloween? Using a mix of their traditional instruments and the boom box that drowned out that legendary Blackwood Convention gig back in 1983, Phish could once again catapult themselves into the dorm rooms of America with a ferocious cover of this modern day classic.

    skrill

    Why They Might Do It: If the set up above is not reason enough, how about the potential of injecting some new life into a musical outfit who has never feared trying new things? Not including remixes, Scary Monsters & Nice Sprites is four tracks spanning roughly 14 minutes in length. Clearly The Phish From Vermont will use songs like “Rock n Roll (Will Take You To The Mountain)” as vessels of lengthy improvised explorations of the legendary brown note, but look for “Kill Everybody” to be the true standout moment of the night. An ample opportunity to show the world that vacuum solos were the original dubstep bass drop, look for Fishman to have a field day with this uplifting ditty.

    Why They Probably Won’t Do It: It’s fucking Skrillex.


  6. Phish Halloween 2013: The Case For No Doy

    October 30, 2013 by RobertPalmerPlore

    Since we have yet to get a cease and desist from Relix for stealing their idea and making cases for Halloween Records Phish will never fucking cover, we have another one for you to dissect. Having already made cases for Kill ‘Em All and Hot Fuss, this time out we look at No Doy by moe.

    no doy

    From Portland to Portland, jam band fans have complained for years that Phish does not jam long enough, and that moe. jams are way too long. Thankfully with moe. taking Halloween 2013 off in order to pick up extra shifts at this McDonalds location, Phish may very well open the door for a revenue sharing program for jam bands similar to the one Major League Baseball has when they cover the 1996 classic No Doy.

    Clocking in at nearly 60 minutes, No Doy received a 3 out of 5 star rating from All Music. The first major label release from the upstate New York band can now be found in the bargain bin of one of the 183 used record stores left in North America. While moe. never made a music video for any of the albums songs, tracks like “Moth”, “Buster”, and “Spine of a Dog” are still played by the band at undersold club gigs across American, Europe, and sometimes Japan.

    moe potato

    Why They Might Do It: In addition to the fact that this would be the first time these songs have been heard by a large audience since moe. opened for Robert Plant back in 2002, the nine tracks found on No Doy are built for jams. With the recent visit to Glens Falls now in the rear view, Phish once again wants to stretch well into the morning of November 1st, what better way than playing the same 28 minute jam over and over again just like moe. has for nearly 25 years? Another great thing about this album – imagine how pumped Mr. Miner will be when he writes 10,000 words on Mike Gordon nailing the beefy vocals of fellow bassist Rob Derhak on “Bring You Down”? Another added bonus is this will be the first time The Baby’s Mouth hears the music of moe., and there is a very good chance they max out their parents credit cards following the band in 2014.

    Why They Probably Won’t Do It: The biggest thing going against Phish covering No Doy for Halloween is the jam band Illuminati. With moe.rons keeping track of how many times Chuck has kicked Al’s ass on stage night after night, they simply can’t allow for Trey Anastasio to show both of them up with his Ocelot guitar. Another issue with this album is the fact that it contains the worst take of “St. Augustine” released by moe. and Fishman would die of embarrassment from having to recreate the lackluster beats of Chris Mazur.

    We also worry that Philadelphia Eagles fans who make the trek to Atlantic City may take offense to the album’s final track Four. With the sting of watching their dog killing quarterback piss away another season, Eagles fans are almost as sensitive to jokes about themselves as Phish fans are. The last thing we need is a fight at a show. That shit only happens at Widespread Panic shows.

    Editor’s Note: Typically we would leave a YouTube link to the album here. However, no one has actually uploaded No Doy to YouTube, so here is five minutes of pointless banter from a past show.


  7. Jon Fishman Leaves Phish For New Career

    February 8, 2013 by RobertPalmerPlore

    Despite the fact that Phish will celebrate 30 years together this year, it appears the band won’t be touring together in 2013.

    fishman golf

    According to a friend of a friend of that hitchhiker who stopped Jesus Christ with a hatchet, drummer Jon Fishman has left the popular rock group to pursue his new found love of Golf. Using the name Henrietta Tubbs, the drummer formerly known as Fishman is set to join the LPGA tour starting March 14th in Phoenix Arizona. When asked about his new career, Tubbs made allegedly made the following comments:

    “2012 was a year of inspiration. If the singer of Against Me! can become Joan Jett then why can’t I become the next Kathy Whitworth? I think everyone saw how great I was during the Runaway Golf Cart Marathon at MSG for New Years Eve. Who needs to hear Limb By Limb for the 14th time when they can hear me scream fore at the North Texas LGPA Shoutout in Irving, Texas?

    To see where you can catch Henrietta Tubbs in 2013, check out the official LPGA website.


  8. Phish Teams With Jimmy Dean For Reworked ‘Summer of ’89’

    October 22, 2012 by RobertPalmerPlore

    Based off the jump in sales Clif Bar received from being name dropped in the timeless Phish classic “Stealing Time From The Faulty Plan,” Jimmy Dean Sausage has allegedly paid Phish a hefty sum of cash to appear within the lyrics of their recently confirmed new studio album.

    According to our source Skip (you may remember him as the guy who puked all over that pregnant lady up on the lawn in Atlanta this past summer); Phish has agreed to change the lyrics to “Summer of ’89” as follows:

    Jimmy Dean Sausage For Breakfast
    We hiked the Long Trail to a spring
    I took blades of grass
    And I wove you a ring

    Skip also goes on to share that Luna Bar originally wanted to have their product placed into the sweet love song Phish front man Trey Anastasio penned for his wife. Yet after looking out at the crowd during this past summer’s stop in Kansas, Luna Bar executives realized that Phish shows are a total sausage fest and clearly not the market they are looking to penetrate. With that observation, Phish was left with no choice but to team with the tasty breakfast treat.

    Despite the fact he died in 2010, many Phish fans believe Jimmy Dean himself will sit in with the band during next year’s Hampton Coliseum run. Kenny Rogers has been dead since 2008 and that didn’t stop the man behind Kenny Rogers Roasters from appearing with the band during their 2012 Bonnaroo appearance.


  9. Tipper Gore Reunites The PMRC After Her Son Gets Face Fucked By Phish At Dick’s

    September 7, 2012 by RobertPalmerPlore

    Last night in an undisclosed location outside of Nashville Tennessee, the PMRC allegedly had their first meeting in years. The numerous wives of politicians (with the most famous member being Tipper Gore) met over the concern of foul shenanigans occurring at rock concerts in America today.

    In the crosshairs of the PMRC is the Vermont based rock band Phish. It was a week ago when the band Fucked The Faces of thousands of loyal fans in Colorado. According to the guy who was selling those shady Google/Golgi shirts out in the lots at Dick’s, Albert Gore III was in attendance and his Mommy is furious over the lyrical content and subliminal message her son was exposed too.

    While there is no word how Mrs. Gore feels about her son being further exposed to cannabis at Dick’s (he was arrested back in 2007 for driving 100 miles per hour in a Prius while high as a mother fucker) the former second lady plans to lobby congress to put warning stickers on tickets of concerts that will feature foul language.

    As always our calls to Phish were not returned, though they did send us a sweet sticker and pre-order information for Trey’s upcoming solo record. Our calls to longtime PRMC foe Frank Zappa were also not returned, but we assume that is because he is dead.


  10. Phish Community Divided By Findings Of Mars Rover ‘Curiosity’

    August 7, 2012 by RobertPalmerPlore

    Monday was a tough day for Phish fans as the community was divided in two by a controversial topic. It was just this past weekend when a bunch of space geeks landed the latest Mars Rover on the surface of the red planet. Yet it was the initial findings of the one ton vehicle that shocked Phish fans from Tokyo to Toledo.

    After sending a grainy photo of the home planet of Sammy Hagar; Curiosity declared that the 08/21/11 version of Phish’s cover of the David Bowie classic Life on Mars? was indeed the version preferred by Martians. Within a matter of minutes the Twitter universe exploded with angry phans who disagreed with the findings. Mr. Miner was allegedly very vocal in this debate and sent the following tweet a few minutes ago:

     

     

    So what do you think? Is the 08/21/11 version of Life On Mars? the best of all time? Let us know with the comments section down below.