1. Top 10 Rejected Phish NYE Gags

    December 27, 2015 by TreyAntipasta

    Phish New Years is a tough time for the band. How do they top last year’s New Year’s gag? Simple – they come up with a list and figure out which one sucks the least. Below is the 2015 list of rejected Phish New Years gags. Phish.news_

    10. Theme: “Mike Gordon’s Punch Out” – Mike faces off against each band member and knocks them out, ending the show with Mike singing “Mock Song” into 2016. Mike Gordon Band then plays a 40 minute “Ether” for the remainder of the set.

    9. The band spells out “Blaze On” using only Great White songs.

    8. #realfans are selected to hear Gamehendge performed in the Theater at Madison Square Garden, second set features notable Phish cover band “Phix.”

    7. Theme: Taylor Swift “Welcome to New York” with Page on vocals; Fishman is dressed up like the Statue of Liberty.

    6. Gordo films “Magic Mike 3” wearing just his bass and a scarf.

    5. Phish plays Twiddle’s “Plump” in its entirety.

    4. Theme: “Stealing Time From the Faulty Plan” with Clif Bars dropped from the ceiling and the audience sprayed with Cold Green Tea.

    3. Phish stuffs Antelope Greg into the cannon from Miami 2014 NYE and shoots him onto Twiddle tour.

    2. Reenactment of Eagles of Death Metal, Live at Bataclan.

    1. Something with Fluffhead.


  2. The Phunion’s Year in Lists

    December 24, 2015 by TreyAntipasta

    End of Year lists are stupid and played out. So here’s our list of the best of 2015 and what to look forward to in 2016!

    Top 25 Ways That Twiddle Will Use the Force in 2016

    The Top 13 crowdsourced interviews from L4LM

    Top 5 supergroups featuring Todd Stoops

    7 ways in which Bonnaroo will disappoint once again

    Four times Page ordered one sandwich for here and one to go

    Top 10 Songs That A Jedi Would Like

    Three times Joel Cummins made us laugh out loud rolling on the floor

    28 times “Tweezer” was ripcorded for “Backwards Down the Number Line”

    6 forgettable versions of “Brent Black”

    Three ways that Kunj Shah is the Ken Jeong of the jamband scene (you won’t believe #2!)

    4 times Barber forgot the lyrics to “House Dog Party Favor”

    Ten times we confused Mihali for Dave Matthews and Dave Matthews for Adam Durwitz

    8 ways to attend Gathering of the Vibes this summer

    Top 5 Tips for Safe Anal Lightsaber Play

    6 ways to de-wookify yourself after NYE with Papadosio

    Eight times that Trey’s guitar sounded like Alderaan exploding

    12 times we wondered if it was still Twist

    5 times we mistook Gordon for Chewbacca

    Top 10 Star Wars References in this list


  3. Fare Thee Well: The Top 12 Songs The Grateful Dead Should Have Let Trey Sing

    December 16, 2015 by RobertPalmerPlore

    Packing two separate NFL stadiums over five nights’s this summer; it is safe to say that Fare Thee Well was a raging success. From John Mayer and Katy Perry seeing their first Grateful Dead shows, to Phish keyboardist Page McConnell rocking a flat brim Mets cap, the celebration of 50 years of the Bay Area’s most successful band not named Metallica featured celebrities and #RealFans dancing to the biggest hits Jerry Garcia is no longer around to make cash off of.

    ©Jay Blakesberg

    ©Jay Blakesberg

    While we would never mock something as sacred and special as a jam band, one of the jokes that came out of these concerts was the Let Trey Sing movement. In honor of this highly popular t-shirt, we here at The Phunion have spent hours ignoring new releases from Deafheaven and Slayer to re-listen to every note performed at Fare Thee Well. We did this to bring you a year end list because that’s what blogs do this time of year. We give to you, the top 12 songs Trey Anastasio should have been allowed to sing at Fare Thee Well.

    12) Eyes of the World 6/28/15
    11) Friends of the Devil 7/4/15
    10) New Potato Caboose 7/3/15
    9) Shakedown Street 7/4/15
    8) Alligator 6/27/15
    7) Terrapin Station 7/5/15
    6) Unbroken Chain 7/5/15
    5) Franklin’s Tower 7/3/15
    4) Days Between 7/5/15
    3) Mountains On The Moon 7/5/15
    2) Bird Song 7/4/15
    1) Box of Rain 7/3/15


  4. Twiddle Releases PLUMP, The Best Twiddle Album of 2015

    December 11, 2015 by admin1

    We here at The Phunion™ have listened to a lot of music, seen a lot of shows, been to all the cool festivals and sniffed the best drugs a trust fund can afford. Occasionally, we find some music we detest (most of it) and let the world know it, but then we find some really great music and insist on fluffing that music ad infinitum.

    What a surprise it would seem when we came across a copy of Twiddle’s ‘PLUMP’, cranked the Bose, took a dab of some Bread Loaf and we were off and running. The boys and my girl and I listened to ‘PLUMP’ all the way through three times before we could put words together. When we were finally able to piece our lives together, the inspired music and lyrics flowed through us – we spoke Twiddle, the language of Mihali, the Great One.

    twiddleplump-500x500

    One thing about the album – so what if it rhymes with ‘Trump’, big deal! We don’t think that’s a drawback. It’s just funny, but nothing about this album is funny. It’s an emotional powerhouse, song after song of pure talent refined like maple syrup drawn from the sap of a mighty Vermont pine.

    “Complacent Race” and “Amydst the Mist” jump out and demonstrating Mihali’s rhyming skills so well you wonder when he’ll put out his first rap album. That’s soon right? One can only hope.

    An early contender for best pe/\k is when Mihali goes up the scale with his vocals, builds it up and hits that top note and you just #melt. “Lost in the Cold” is one of those tracks that just sticks in your head and you cannot get it out no matter what don’t even both trying its there for good. Thankfully, he takes all your pain.

    Realistically, “Five” should be “One”, as in the first track on the album – clearly this is the best track. Todd Stoops certainly adds something to this and man its good! “We are lost when we are found” – if that’s not the most profound lyric from a jamband, then boy man god shit we don’t know what is.

    “Syncopated Healing” is clearly the catchiest song on the album, and it cures any problems your life may have presented you with lately. Mihali shreds while spitting hot fire for 4:36.

    One must admit, the amount of pe/\king on this album is really incredible. All throughout, you can feel the pe/\ks coming and when the pe/\ks hit, you are truly pe/\ked. Without this album, one may never have known how to truly pe/\k in the presence of such talent. Truly, this album is a preparatory excursion into the world of pe/\k.

    Whoa, oh oh OH “Polluted Beauty” is awesome. We saw a really sick version this summer at Bonnaroo. Or maybe it was High Sierra? Or Red Rocks? IDK…. Twiddle has been everywhere and anywhere and they are truly ready to bust out and put Vermont on the musical map!

    Props to the final track, “White Light”, a truly uplifting end to the album. ‘PLUMP’ took off full blast from the ground up on the first notes of “Complacent Race”, and landed here, basking in the light. So fitting.

    It would have been nice to hear “Box” or “Apples” or even “Jamflowman” make this album. We’re new #realfans of Twiddle, so who knows if they’re on the old albums – this is the PLUMP Era. Nothing else before this should be considered for the supreme creation that it is. PLUMP is PERFECT.


  5. Local Philadelphia Star Wars Geek Purchases moe. Halloween Ticket By Mistake

    October 28, 2015 by RobertPalmerPlore

    Thinking he was buying a ticket for an advance Halloween screening of Star Wars VII: The Force Awakening; local Philadelphia man Rick Sajec was in for a very rude disturbance in the force when he discovered he actually bought tickets to see upstate New York jam band moe.

    jabba-the-hutt-costume-2

    “I figured it was the city of brotherly love, and well a brother does love his sister so why wouldn’t Star Wars have a sneak peak here in Philly?” Sajec told The Phunion. The man who works as a power plant employee by day went on to share that he is making the most of the screw up.

    “Well, if it is some hippie thing, there are probably a ton of hot women looking to get all slutty in their medal bikinis like Princess Leia. I look a lot like Jabba the Hutt and love Cosplay so anything is possible.”

    When asked about how much he paid for a ticket to the sold out show, Sajec seemed rather upset.

    “Fuck man, I paid like $80 bucks off Stubhub. Totally bummed about that, but according to my buddy at the plant, these hippie kids love noz. I figure I head down early to the Fillmore and sell some balloons from my new R2D2 Nitrous tank. Sure, it may not exactly be legal, but as long as you sell to the Bobba Fett’s and Stormtroopers and avoid the Jedi’s shit should be easier than using Ewoks to trip up AT-AT’s on Endor.”

    moe. is set to perform at the Fillmore in Philadelphia on October 30th and 31st. Tickets are still available for the 30th, because it’s moe. and they rarely sell anything out. As of press time we can’t confirm if moe. guitarist As Schiner will dress as C-3PO, but he sure does have the perfect head for it.


  6. Watch The Stunning YouTube Video On Lettuce From The Upcoming Mockumentary ‘Lettuce Play’

    October 28, 2015 by RobertPalmerPlore

    There’s no denying that Lettuce is one of the freshest produce products around town. The plant continues to evolve and grow as they power on with their pursuit of putting on some of the funkiest meal time performances.

    lettuce

    Fortunately, fans will have a new means to go up close and personal with the main ingredient of salad in November 2015. LettucePlay, a totally bullshit documentary not produced by The Phunion, follows life for a head of lettuce inside of a kitchen. The 35-minute film merges footage from various angles including the knife used to chop right through the head. Filmed over a six-hour period, the footage chronicles the mechanics of using a kitchen knife and the artistry behind making a fucking salad. Viewers will get an in-depth diagnosis of the lettuce, because who doesn’t love a good salad?

    Check out the trailer for LettucePlay, which stars Olivia Saez, right here:

    Here is where you can catch Lettuce in the new few months:

    Your Garden
    Whole Foods
    Hell, you can even get funky with Lettuce at Taco Bell


  7. Video: Warren Haynes Opens For Trey Anastasio Band on ‘Conan’

    October 27, 2015 by RobertPalmerPlore

    Real Fans are very excited for November the 2nd. On that afternoon, Trey Anastasio and his gang of above average musicians will storm the Warner Bros. Lot in beautiful Burbank California. There they plan to play one of the Dad Rock songs off the Ginger Jedi’s latest waste of a vinyl press, Paper Wheels. With at least one D level website sucking Trey’s midlife crisis jams like it was James Deen’s cock, this TV performance will be the most talked about TBS appearance since Page McConnell was seen rooting the Mets in the playoffs earlier this month.

    warren1

    Always one to help out a fellow ginger looking to go solo; Anastasio hand-picked Warren Haynes to open up his highly anticipated Conan performance with a choice cut from his latest album. Sadly for Haynes, not only did Anastasio replace him in the Grateful Dead, he also allegedly put several stipulations upon the beloved southern man. Not only did Haynes have to play a week before Anastasio, he also was not allowed to dine at the Poquito Mas located across the way from Conan’s sound stage. While we can’t confirm if Haynes was forced to head off lot for lunch, we can share his performance of Is It Me Or You? down below.


  8. Phish Winter Tour 2016: Mike Said No

    October 26, 2015 by RobertPalmerPlore

    Rolling in cash from record sell outs for their Mexican vacation and return to the World’s Most Famous Karaoke Bar – Madison Square Garden; Phish drill-master Mike Gordon has announced a handful of west coast tour dates for Winter 2016.
    mike gordon creep

    Okay, so the grown ass man they call Cactus didn’t actually announce them since he’s stuck in the 1990’s updating his fucking answering machine. However several venues have tweeted that the prolific tweeter plans to make music in small clubs and theatres instead of performing in arenas with his three BFF’s from college. Then again, with both Fish and Trey crying over the fact that their idol Russell Wilson will not be playing football in January, a solo tour from Gordon saves us from having to see a member of Phish cry like a bitch up on stage once again.

    Here are the confirmed yet not actually confirmed Mike Gordon Band dates as of press time. Unlike Umphrey’s McGee, Mike Gordon probably won’t have an opening band on these dates, because he doesn’t fucking need one.

    Mike Gordon Band Winter 2016 Tour Dates:
    01/22 Emo’s, Austin Tx
    01/23 Numbers, Houston, TX
    01/24 Granada Theater, Dallas, TX
    01/26 Rialto Theatre, Tucson, AZ
    01/27 Orpheum Theater, Flagstaff, AZ
    01/29 The Fonda Theatre, Los Angeles, CA
    01/30 The Observatory North Park, San Diego, CA
    01/31 The Fillmore, San Francisco, CA
    02/02 Crystal Ballroom, Portland, OR
    02/03 Neptune Theatre, Seattle, WA
    02/05 Park City Live, Park City, UT
    02/06 Gothic Theatre, Denver, CO


  9. Former Jamband Members Highlight Bonnaroo Super Jam

    June 9, 2015 by TreyAntipasta

    With Bonnaroo fast approaching, this year’s Super Jam, always a highlight of the annual festival in Tennessee, will feature former members of popular jambands.

    bonnaroo-superjam-2006

    The Super Jam, led by Nigel Hall (The Nth Power, Nigel Hall Band, Lettuce, Jon Cleary, lots of bands) will incorporate well known musicians who have parted ways with their former bandmates. Todd Stoops (RAQ, Kung Fu), Jeff Austin (Yonder Mountain String Band, Jeff Austin Band, Otep), David Murphy (STS9), Tom DeLonge (Blink 182) and Dickey Betts (Allman Brother Band, Great Southern) will headline an all-star lineup of ‘What happened to that guy?’ and raising questions of  ‘How are they going to play together? They’re not even the same genres.’

    Picture 5

    “We fully expect Tom to get too drunk to perform but he insists,” reported Dave Mustaine (Metallica, Megadeth) who is curating the Super Jam. “Dickey is presumed to be the wild card for this but this new guy Stoops definitely is on my radar.”

    Added Mustaine, “I have no fucking idea what music they are going to play, but it’s going to be loud and fast and over way before it should be, much like our careers with our former bands.”

    Broo14_Logo_BW_BlackBackground

    It all kicks off at 2am on Saturday night at Bonnaroo, with special guests including Jeff Holdsworth and Marc Daubert, formerly of Phish, while Scott Weiland (Stone Temple Pilots, Velvet Revolver) and Dave Navarro (Red Hot Chili Peppers, Jane’s Addiction, Carmen Electra) will show up really late but with some really good drugs, and all will be forgiven.

    Rumors circulate that Vulvatron from GWAR will be the lone female performer at the Super Jam in a yet undetermined role, although a supply of fake blood at Bonnaroo has proved to be difficult to obtain thus far.


  10. Fuck Your Face: The Phunion Previews A Brand New Line Of Sex Toys From Phish

    June 7, 2015 by RobertPalmerPlore

    Inspired by Jam Panties and those silly knickers Phan Art is always trying to sell, Phish plans to move into the more adult oriented merchandise world. The band plans to unleash several new sex toys which will be available during summer tour. We here at The Phunion got a sneak peak at them and let’s just say kinkster Phish fans who are looking for something a bit harder than #UmphLove are in for a treat.

    The Wombat:

    wombat

    Don’t kid yourselves perverts, you had to have that. What’s that you ask? The Wombat blow up doll. With this great new toy, you won’t need to worry about moving forward, you only have to focus on giving it in the behind. Sorry Phans, Abe Vigoda is not included.

    Punch You In The Brown Eye:

    punch you in the brown eye
    It’s no secret that wooks love butt sex. What better way to warm your dread locked lover up than with the Punch You In The Brown Eye butt plug. Shaped like a fish, this mid-size back side joy ride’s only downside is that lot dogs could confuse it for a chew toy. The plug will be available in several colors including the Fishman donut pattern ™.

    Bouncing Around The Ben Wa Balls:

    bem wa balls

    If a woman is rather hard to keep, well, we can’t legally suggest that you tie her up. However, if you want her to dance above you as you sink, may we suggest these incredible Bouncing Around The Ben Wa Balls? Made with only the finest material, these won’t fall out of your lovely lady as she rages during a massive second set Down With Disease.

    Paul & Silas Handcuffs:

    paul and silas

    Want to keep your man bound and chained all night long? The Paul & Silas handcuffs are the perfect thing for you. Limited to three pairs a show, each cuff will feature the shows date and venue engraved into the stainless steel.

    Mike’s Dong:

    mike's dong

    While many of us hope to see a second jam return to Mike’s Song, with Mike’s Dong, you can jam it as many times as you (or your partner) can handle. Bigger than the bass bombs Gordon drops during those all so sacred moments, this thing is massive. 2 ounces of Weekapaug Lube included with all purchases.

    AC/DC Gag:

    ac dc gag
    While many will tell you that ball gags and nooses simply don’t mix, Master Palmer isn’t concerned with your safety. This extremely hardcore set will rock your favorite submissive harder than the 9/14/99 version of the song that this naughty treat takes its name from. This item is only recommended for people who saw Phish before the hiatus.

    Phish has asked all us to stress the importance of a safe word to each and everyone of you debating buying these products. Trey has personally requested that you use ‘Fuego’ as your safe word, since it worked so well for him last summer.