Phish fans may soon see a familiar face on daytime television as drummer Jon Fishman has signed a lucrative endorsement deal with Pfizer, the makers of Preparation H, for a new hemorrhoidal cream aimed at drummers and Phish fans, Preparation PH.
Having spent much of the past 30 years playing drums and sitting down for 3 or more hours with only a short ’15 minute’ break in between, Jon’s familiarity with hemorrhoids is greater than he would prefer. “My ass is killing me! Seriously, you wonder why we dont tour 8 months out of the year? Because Jon’s ass needs a break. I barely sit down while tending to the farm and raising my 8 kids, which is a relief, because playing with Phish is so intense, my ass breaks out in hemorrhoids about three songs into the first set.”
Added Fishman, “And they flare up when Trey drops a second set Alaska. I’m sure the fans can relate.”
Of unique note is the origin of the famous muumuu that Fishman wears on stage each night. Each circle represents the size of the hemorrhoids he gets each time he plays the drums, with the number of circles denoting how often they have gotten that big. “I have multiple dresses, a closet full at this point. It’s like a twisted merit badge sash, only with circles for when my ass is killing me.”
Preparation PH will be sold exclusively on Phish Dry Goods where a tube will cost you $4.99 but shipping will run you a minimum $7.89 and will take 2-3 months to arrive.
“Prep PH…put your hemorrhoid problems, behind you!”