Since 2005, JEMP Records has held their annual holiday party in a cabin just outside Winooski, Vermont. I had the pleasure of attending the celebration this year and had an absolute blast. Here is a quick recap of the highlights from the evening.
7:02 pm Dude of Life accidently rear ends Coran Capshaw in the valet parking area. Capshaw laughs it off and says as long as the Dude agrees to appear at band’s first appearance in Arkansas during summer 2013 and all is forgiven. Unknown to Dude, Capshaw was driving a car that belongs to Umphrey’s McGee’s Andy Farag.
7:28 pm Michael Kang tries to get in at the front door. Carini busts him and throws him into a snow bank just outside the cabin.
7:51 pm Grace Potter shows up and realizes just like an actual Phish show the entire place is a sausage-fest.
8:03 pm Carini gets one of those helmets that help babies with flat heads. Hilarity ensues as he tries to put it on.
8:19 pm Dressed as a Domino Pizza Delivery driver, Michael Kang once again is unsuccessful at getting into the party after Page McConnell informs him that the band only eats delicious pies from Pizza Hut.
8:22 pm Mike Gordon almost breaks the ‘No Instagram’ rule
8:41 pm John Popper asks Grace Potter if she’s on Pinterest as he wants to share some holiday recipes with her.
9:14 pm Page sneaks off to the bathroom to cry after Trey gives him House Season Four on DVD for the second year in a row.
9:18 pm Michael Kang tries to sneak in through a back window. As it turns out it’s the same bathroom that Page is crying in. Page once again kicks out Kang.
9:40 pm TMZ shows up looking for Justin Beiber only to discover he couldn’t make it. America’s favorite tabloid is granted permission to take a photo of the cookie basket Bieber sent.
9:52 pm Dave Schools crop dusts Bob Weir. Phil Lesh gets blamed.
10:07 pm Jon Fishman OD’s on Cliff Bars and Cold Green Tea. Paramedics are called but Fishman is not transported.
10:41 pm Former New York Yankees Center Fielder Bernie Williams closes the party with his guitar rendition of the Carly Rae Jepsen’s smash hit Call Me Maybe.
11:02 pm Michael Kang sneaks into the cabin via the chimney only to discover everyone has already gone home.