The Phunion Endorses Barack Obama for President

October 24, 2012 by TreyAntipasta

After weighing the facts, analyzing the issues and where each candidate stands, The Phunion endorses Barack Obama for President. because Phish plays better under Democratic Presidents. With this in mind, we hope that Phish will continue to prosper and our long national nightmare of ripcord jams being over with President Obama’s reelection.

The President’s possible reaction to The Phunion’s endorsement

Looking at the evidence, the finest years of Phish are undoubtedly under Democratic presidents, in particular, the years 1993, 1995, 1997, 1998 and 2012 are some of the best years for Phish in their storied history. Added to that, Phish festivals started in 1996 and got even better as the Clinton presidency continued, holding two amazing festivals in one year – Camp Oswego and Big Cypress. This is not a feat found under Republican presidents, including a 24 hour traffic jam in Maine on the way to IT in 2003, and the debacle that was Coventry, which happened on George W. Bush’s watch. And yes, we can still blame Bush for Coventry. That stain will not go away in time.

Governor Romney on the other hand provides little in experience of Phish performing at their best on his watch. Not only was the only show in Massachusetts on August 11th, 2004 one of Phish’s worst ever, the 20th anniversary show on December 2nd 2003 featured no special guests. Not a single one.  How can Governor Romney run on his record when his record is so paltry and devoid of Type II jams? Not to mention Romney sucks at tucking his magic underwear and running mate Paul Ryan was slinging bunk molly at Alpine Valley in 2003. A Romney presidency could inevitably lead to Bain Capital attempting to buyout Shakedown Street. An Obama presidency would ensure that this would never happen.

Because of the past four years of Phish being successful and exploratory, and the track record under President Clinton showing that this is not a fluke, we at The Phunion endorse Barack Obama for President of the United States, with hope of four more years of great Phish, Dick’s Labor Day weekend shows and continued jamming through 2016.

– The Phunion Editorial Board (Trey Antipasta, Robert Palmer Plore, Cactus Jack and Page’s Mistress)


2 Comments »

  1. ash says:

    You know there are more than two options right?

  2. […] in 2012, The Phunion endorsed Barack Obama for President of the United States, for, among other reasons, Phish plays better under Democratic […]

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