Ethiopian Jerry Haile Selassie wins The 101st Running of the First Annual Runaway Jim Memorial 5k Road Race

August 15, 2011 by TreyAntipasta

Surprising Phish fans around the globe, Ethiopian runner Jerry Haile Selassie won the 101st Running of the First Annual Runaway Jim Memorial 5k Road Race. While Phish fans cheered for him, it was a surprise to most that an Ethiopian would come all the way to America to win a simple 5K.


“Is that legit? I mean, can anyone who buys a ticket run in this? Seems a little unfair to the Phish fans who are runners, but if he’s a phan, then I guess I can’t complain” remarked Jake Sellers, who came in 10th among the men.

Running the 5K in 13:20, a course record, Jerry was outpacing all other individuals in the race, eschewing the complementary shots and beers that were held out for runners as they worked their way around the Watkins Glen International Racetrack. Upon completion, an unnamed individual wrapped Haile Selassie in a flag made in the design of Fishman’s dress as he threw his hands up into the air and walked around the course finish area triumphantly.

Haile Selassie shared with The Phunion, “I have been on tour since Bethel and spent each day and day off running a 5K and improving my time steadily. Then, after Portsmouth I headed up to Watkins and began practicing in the area. I spent two weeks preparing for this race. I was determined to win and I did.”

“Now where are those 5 bumps of K? I am going to rage face tonight.”


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