Herb McBongington, Esq., Water Plant Superintendent for the Village of Wilmette, Illinois is treating today like any other day, regardless of the celebrations held by marijuana enthusiasts on April 20th.
“I really don’t understand why people think this day means anything to me. Today is Wednesday, April 20th. Yet I get a dozen or more Facebook friend requests, people post on my wall saying ‘Dude, you must LOVE this day!’ and late last night I had the pleasure of kicking a couple of kids off my property who were smoking cigarettes. I just don’t get it,” McBongington said with dismay.
McBongington is one of many throughout America who have the misfortune to have a name that is synonymous with one or more marijuana references, as well as the lack of foresight to realize the connection. Mike Pot, John Digweed, Smokin’ Joe Frazier, Marianne ZigZag, Eddy Kush, and Bud Smokesalot are in a category of Americans who are without connection to 4/20 and revile the day’s and fans. Although they do not partake in the stinky weed, and in many cases are tolerant of its use, they loathe being expected to take part in the day’s festivities and typically call in sick or go out of town. ‘I go as far from civilization as I can for this one day’, said John Digweed. ‘I got tired of playing shows on 4/20 because I simply couldn’t turn down weed fast enough and finally said Fuckitall. Now I go to an undisclosed location and meditate”
Marijuana enthusiast John ‘Sour D’ D’Amato commented, “Yeah I got something you can use to help you mediate digWEED! Hell yeah! I bet you smoke a fuckton of weed today son!” D’Amato then discussed Dr. Seuss’s connection to 4/20 before laughing hysterically and collapsing onto the sidewalk.
McBongington likes Digweed’s plan, but can’t see ditching work for a day and tries to avoid all contact with would-be stoners as much as he can for the duration of the day. “I simply got up this morning, drove to work and attended to a water pipe, which had burst early in the morning due to overuse.” Continued McBongington, “What’s so funny?”
“Goddammit, I just want my life back today. OK?”