Dark Star Orchestra’s new ‘Jerry’ has middle finger amputated

February 23, 2012 by TreyAntipasta

In the interest of adding to the realism of the Dark Star Orchestra experience, new ‘Jerry’ Jeff Mattson recently underwent surgery to remove the middle finger of his right hand. “We aim for precision”, said Lisa Mackey, female lead vocalist for the renowned Grateful Dead tribute band. “It wasn’t something we asked him to do, but Jeff really took one for the team and I think it contributes to the group’s effort to capture the realness of the Grateful Dead experience.”

When asked about the amputation experience, Jeff held up his hand emphatically and excitedly shared “Oh this is gonna be so awesome! I used to play like Jerry, now its gonna be perfect!” Wincing in pain as he strummed his guitar whistfully, Mattson teared up a bit, perhaps in pain or out of emotion. The operation was deemed a success, as Dr. Gabel sat down and talked to Jeff about the recovery period and that he shouldnt play guitar till the digit is healed and bandages are removed. Mattson replied, “Doctor? Doctor? Mister M.D., can you tell me, what’s ailing me?”. Gabel replied, “You had elective surgery to remove a finger. The situation’s gotten out of hand. You need to let it heal.” Mattson begrudgingly agreed, saying “It sure is nice to be back in the game.”

There was no word if bassist Kevin Rosen was planning to have his liver removed, despite being in good health.


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