Every April the four members of Phish gather in a small coffee shop down the street from Radio City Music Hall and draft what songs they want to perform on their summer tour. Much like the National Football League, draft order is based off individual performance from the past year (thus Fishman always getting the first pick). While Phish 1.0 performance was based off of comments on Phish.net boards, the band has used #MVP Tweets to pick the draft order since reforming in the year of our lord, 2009. With the Phish draft, Round 1 is typically reserved for songs you will become sick of, Round 2 is for rare gems/covers that will only be played once and Round 3 is a free for all no holds bar balls to the wall wild card round where anything and everything goes.
We here at The Phunion are pleased to present to you with our Mock Draft for Summer Tour 2012.
1) Trey Anastasio – Time Turns Elastic: (Pick acquired from Jon Fishman in exchange for Anastasio’s third round pick and three cows for ElderflowerFarm).
Fresh off his spring tour performing with various symphonies across America, Anastasio does not care if you decided to drain your lizard during this modern day classic. Trey is all about the long compositions in 2012 and plans to play TTE at least twelve times before the summer comes to an end.
2) Page McConnell – Wading In the Velvet Sea:
Let’s be real here, the boys are no longer spring chickens. Needing a breather (especially when they play at high altitude in locations like Colorado and Lake Tahoe) Phish needs to bring it down a few notches in the second set these days. Wading in the Velvet Sea is the natural choice for Summer Tour 2012 because much like novels by Nicholas Sparks, it creates tears from the sensitive types.
3) Trey Anastasio – Kill Devil Falls:
Anastasio’s New Year’s Resolution is to only flub this songs opening riff at every 5th show this summer. What better way than to play it over and over and over again.
4) Mike Gordon – Access Me:
Having traded Fishman for the first round pick last year (for legal reasons, we can’t say what was traded) Gordon was loved on Shakedown Streets from Bethel to George for using the pick on Possum. This year, Gordon has decided to pick the somewhat rare Access Me as the jam to make fans sick of. Not that it’s a bad song, he just enjoys watching Anastasio struggle with the composition in retaliation that he is not allowed to take a piss break during Time Turns Elastic.
1) Jon Fishman – Faht:
Just to be a prick, Fishman plans to bust this out at the one show that the incredible YouTube God MKDevo is unable to attend. Yes, he will flub three notes, but the goal is to get enough #MVP votes to not land with the #1 pick in 2013. He of course fails as rage side does not rhyme with Fishman side.
2) Page McConnell – Runaway Bride:
By April, the talk of the world will be Kim Kardashian’s love affair with Jarome Iginla of the Calgary Flames. With a July wedding planned, McConnell (a rabid fan of TMZ as well as any and all programming on the E! network) knows Kim will have cold feet and leave her new man waiting at the altar. It will be a rainy night in St. Louis when Phish performs this cut from McConnell’s 2007 solo record causing much confusion as to why Kardashian picked Iginla and not Blues right winger Chris Stewart.
3) Trey Anastasio – For The Actor (Mates of State cover):
It’s no secret that Anastasio is sick of hippies and craves to be an indie darling. While his Fox pilot New Guy was not picked up for the Fall Television season, that does not stop Anastasio from wearing plenty of plaid and enjoying new music from the likes of Girls, M83 and Blitzen Trapper. With it being reported that Anastasio is working with both The National and Mates of State, this one time cover is not only a natural choice, it will also get him 10% off his iPhone bill as the song was made famous by an AT&T Wireless commercial in 2008.
4) Mike Gordon – Weigh:
With only two appearances since the band reunited in 2009, Gordon decides to bring Weigh out for a lone appearance at the bands Friday headline set at the 2012 Lollapalooza festival. While the phans who make it out to Grant Park are ecstatic for the songs return, most are unable to hear it as Phish gets drowned out due to the noise pollution of Skrillex performing simultaneously on the Google + stage.
1) Jon Fishman – 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover:
Fishman likes the view from the front of his stage, and decides he wants a different look at such beloved corporate venues as 1-800-ASK-Gary Amphitheatre, U.S Cellular Pavilion and PNC Bank Arts Center.
2) Page McConnell – The Squirming Coil:
Feeling bad Mike Gordon can’t take a piss break during Time Turns Elastic, McConnell throws Gordo a bone.
3) Jon Fishman – Character Zero
A fun song to play, but really Fish just enjoys watching Wooks headbang in the front row.
4) Mike Gordon – Jagged Little Pill (Complete Alanis Morissette album):
With a lack of fans filling the USANA Amphitheatre in beautiful West Valley Utah, Gordon decides that once again it is time to bust out an entire album in the middle of Harpua for phans who make the trek to the “Life Elevated” state. What Gordon failed to realize that while people still love the 70’s juggernaut Dark Side of the Moon, no one but Gordon and Full House Dave Coulier star gives two shits about one of the best selling albums of the 1990’s.