Page un-retires, plans to eat Sandwich

April 4, 2011 by TreyAntipasta

In a startling turnaround, Page McConnell today declared his 4 day retirement from active sandwich duty over. Citing a grave concern over local Burlington eateries Mirabelles and Cobbstone Deli contemplating closing their doors in the wake of sandwich strikes held by local Vermonters to urge Page to return to his sandwich eating ways, Page announced the following statement.

“Four days ago, I thought my sandwich eating days were behind me. How wrong I was. The outpouring of support has overwhelmed me like a 6-foot sub, and I can’t go on like this. I need some cold cuts and break and chipotle mayo and banana peppers, stat.”

Sources indicated that Jared from Subway contacted McConnell Saturday afternoon while Page was making an inaugural batch of Mulligatawny soup. Jared and Page reportedly spoke for an hour to try and convince him that soup was not who he was and that sandwiches needed Page. Later commenting on what he said to The Chairman of the Smorgasbord, “I will be Page Side, Rage Side with a Pulled Pork sandwich, you know I have your back Leo. Now go out there and get yourself a muffaletta, you know you love that shit.”

With Page back in form and prepared for Summer Tour, he is already looking forward to the recently announced SuperBall IX, and will have his own ‘From the Archives’ show each day, just before lunch, to read a list of his favorite sandwiches that have been eaten prior to, and during, select Phish shows. Early speculation abounds as to whether or not Page’s recipe for his Dagwood Reuben from Clifford Ball will be shared, as it is the rarest of all Page’s sandwiches over the years and has an unknown ratio of Corned Beef to Mortadella


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