Thank You! An Open Letter To Dean Ween

September 30, 2016 by RobertPalmerPlore

Dear Deaner,

As someone who first witnessed the glory of the Boognish in person on a (not so) hot August night in San Francisco where Queens of the Stone Age were far too fucking stoned and there was actual pussy eaten during the L.M.L.Y.P encore; I wanted to take a moment to say thank you for your much needed words about your Lockn experience.

dean-ween-1
(Photo Credit: Ansel Adams)

Clearly Phish is one of our favorite bands here at the Phunion. The music is top notch, the energy when they play is something from another dimension, and most of the time the community is pretty fucking spectacular. That being said, the community takes itself far too serious and to be blunt tend to be a bunch of fucking pussies. Your dual performances on Lockn proved that by the way these closed minded twat waffles melted faster than a Popsicle in the hot late August Virginia sunshine.

When Phish plays a song like Fuck Your Face, fans rejoice. Yet these same fans can’t hang over something as innocent as worrying over a pony coughing up snot in the drive way. In a summer where Phish bust outs were few and far between, your band blessed the crowd with the magic of How High Can You Fly>Beacon Light and the crowd looked at you as if you had just shown a dog a card trick. As if that was not worse enough, the fact that you kicked the ever living shit out of Trey Anastasio upon the six stringed fret board during a fantabulous version of A Tear For Eddie should have put the fans of Phish in the palm of your hand. Sadly it did the exact opposite. Unable to acknowledge the fact you kicked the living shit out of the ginger Jedi, the massive crowd of pussies quickly retreated to their tents for the evening.

Over both nights of Lockn, you blessed ungrateful Phish fans with deep cuts and classic Ween. Much like Phish you covered numerous genres of music, the only difference being you actually sound like a country band or a reggae band or a punk rock band while Phish always sounds like Phish. The lack of appreciation by many for your band screams volumes about just how closed minded Phish fans can be. Yet that’s not the reason we are thanking you today. We are here to pay thanks for the awesome post upon your recently revived AskDeaner blog.

In a now deleted post (why Deaner, why?), you spoke the truth. You went out to kick the shit out of Phish and you did just that. Drop the fucking banner on the battleship, Mission Accomplished. Phish fans simply can’t handle that fact. They will call you sloppy and yet forgive the Down With Disease train wreck. What’s even better is how you have trolled them through the entire Lockn experience. From the photo of you posing with Trey’s guitar after your second Lockn set to the recent blog post every single fucking Phish fan is once again talking about Ween. Will it move more units of White Pepper? Probably not, but you have managed to rile up a closed minded fan base filled with people who will drop thousands of dollars to see Jon, Mike, Page, and Trey play in Mexico, yet fail to grasp the beauty of Bananas and Blow. Hell Trey begged for you guys to get back together and many Phish fans still fail to grasp the magic of Ween. Way to make these fans look like the assholes they truly are.

ween-trey-guitar

So thank you Dean Ween. Any true fan of music can find something to appreciate within the diverse catalog of Ween. Fans of both bands marvel in how you have managed to self-promote the joys of the Boognish among the pussies who claim your shows are too sloppy or offensive. #RealJournalists have turned your words into news to generate ad clicks on an otherwise slow Friday. From Twitter to Facebook, cries of Ween suck flood social media from fans who had never even heard of TV on the Radio before the night Anastasio made them famous in Albany. Everyone is talking about Ween on Trey’s birthday and it’s a glorious fucking thing that we are sure Trey is loving.

So thank you for telling it like it is and thank you for putting those closed minded Phish fans in their fucking place. You sir are a fucking genius. Henry Rollins knows what’s up and so do we. We here at the Phunion salute you and can’t wait to paint Hollywood brown with you in less than two weeks. We also invite butthurt Phish fans to explain why Ween sucks in the comments below. They will try, but they will fucking fail because deep down inside they know that Phish had their Ass Handed to them by Ween at Lockn.

Best Regards and fuck Olive Garden (sorry Virgil).

Love,

The Insane Frat Bros. Known As The Phunion


29 Comments »

  1. Bootysweaat says:

    Maybe tide turns is really about trey waiting for deaner to come around and love the big gay boat that is phish? The timing of everything is very suspicious. Maybe this is like a dad rock beef to spike album sales? Rap beef sells albums why not dad rock??

  2. Blastman says:

    Boognish continues to rise

  3. Jason says:

    This is all getting a little low rent…..

  4. MyPhishDickIsBiggerThanYourWeener says:

    Everyone knows MMJ kicked the shit out of both Phish and Ween at LockN…and they only played one set.

    Fuck off and just enjoy the music.

    • Justin says:

      So right

    • MyBigJilmIsTheBiggestThingYouEverDidSee says:

      MMJ was good but better than Ween or Phish? No. They completely fucked the guitar solo at the end of Purple Rain. To me that is unforgivable. Hey! Look at me everybody! I’m in a band! You know something I can do to get a bunch of people who don’t know shit about good music to take me seriously? Play a bunch of covers by artists who died this year that are way more talented than me…

      Not saying it was a bad set by any means. Just gimmicky. Wordless Chorus into If You Touch Me I Think I’ll Scream Part 2 tho? FUCK YES! But that is nothing compared to a well placed Poopship Destroyer. Taste the waste.

    • MYBigJilmIsTheBiggestThingYouEverDidSee says:

      Why did my post get deleted?

  5. El Jay says:

    All hail Boognish

  6. Kells says:

    This slays

  7. Jeff says:

    Who’s Ween?

  8. Paolo Grande says:

    I have been a hardcore fan of both bands forever. I went to one day of Lockn (all I could spare, sadly) with the singular, long-held dream that they would share a stage in some fashion. Disappointed that they couldn’t pull that together. Both shows were pretty good, so I don’t feel ripped off. But cmon guys, get the fuck out of your comfort zone.

    On a side note, fuck Lockn. Okechobee was a hundred times better organized, cooler, better designed, better music… The bullshit about Phish needing 90 minutes to set up – the way you avoid that is to have MORE THAN ONE FUCKING STAGE. The turntable stage idea is a relic. I won’t go again.

  9. Hellokitteh says:

    The author makes Weeners sound like childish assholes. I’d like to think most of us aren’t.

  10. Phanboy says:

    This was too easy phunion. Jumping on the wagon to verbally assault through a lame mass generalization of a whole group of fans via a member of a band with a clear inferiority complex is all too easy. Sad truth is no one would give a shit about Ween if Phish never played Roses are Free in ’98. Deaner knows this to be the truth and he hates every second of it. Picking and flicking boognish!

  11. Steve says:

    Thank you robert for setting the record straight.Phish fans are whiney jew cunts.Hail the boognish.

  12. phartcracker says:

    you just went from like totally geek to like totally chic.

  13. jay says:

    So ghey…sing more about suckin cock ya fags

  14. Shockadow says:

    Look. Ween is fresh off a sabbatical and Deaner’s record is fixin to come out. Smooth promotion. They have fresh legs and are playing all the nostalgic stuff. It’s easy to love something you missed for the past 5 years. Ween is easy to love these days, & Mickey is a total badass!
    You can disagree if you want, but Phish may be diverse in setlist but aren’t spontaneous anymore.
    When they played Harpua->Killing in the Name Of->Harpua in Atlanta for the 4th of July it was as powerful a feeling of awe I’ve ever had at a concert. Absolutely amazing. But, when was the last time they dropped a Dead song on Jerry’s birthday or spelled out something with the titles? It’s gotten typical. Not boring or predictable, but you know about what your gonna get.
    To me, the Deaner Languedoc picture foreshadowed a willingness to guest with one another. All (self professed superfan) Trey had to do was go ask.
    Nah. Same old shit. The Rose’s are free sit in would have been epic. Wasted opportunity.
    Ween fucking rules! Always has, always will… You’ll never hear someone who doesn’t know Ween say “all the songs sound the same”. Phish could never say that.
    Boognish lives!

  15. jimmy.wilson46 says:

    I am a fan of both bands. I have had the opportunity to see phish more times than this feed would like to know. That being said, ever since I heard Ween was getting back together I have been on a Mission from Boog to see them as much of these mother fuckers as possible. Young gun that got into ween right before the break up. Only got to see a few shows. Since the Reunion…i mean…..shoot. Back to lockn’. Night one, I honestly thought it was awesome when the crowd was thinning out! Thinning out the shit heads gave us more room to move. I was in the mood to move. Aaron thanking the crowd as they walked away just made me love ween even more. Just looking at Thursday night’s set list makes my boxers pregnant. Beacon, Fluffy, P. power, etc. etc. Oh my lord. Let’s just say they played it of legit. Open your minds friends. Some phish fans suck sometimes, well…….. Theres good and bad in a fan base, duh. It’s fucking rock n’ roll! If its not your style than keep your mouth shut and leave. That being said Ween fucking destroyed lockn’. Btw Phish has never been sloppy. (he says not sarcastically at all)

  16. Greg Zuydhoek says:

    Eat that! You phags!! Phuck fish, you self righteous snobby hippies!

  17. G Money says:

    Why does this have to be a competition? I am a Phish and Ween fan, and I loved all of their performances, flawless or not. I am extremely grateful that Ween is playing again and I got to see them, same as I felt when Phish reunited in 2009. So let’s not group all fans into one and think they all feel the same way.

  18. Trey says:

    Satire at its finest.

  19. Stephann says:

    Everyone is coming off like a bunch of fags.

  20. Scooby says:

    Sorry. It your jealousy shines through your comments. Phish is good, so is ween. I’m a panic fan….so let the panic hating begin. Who cares. I’ve seen all three bands and had a blast at all. Peace out.

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