Music Festivals Banning Rage Sticks in 2014

May 20, 2014 by TreyAntipasta

In an effort to improve the experience for festival-goers throughout the country, music festivals have banded together to protest the use of ‘rage sticks’ at all major music festivals this summer.

no

No

Starting with Summer Camp and ending at moe.down, rage sticks, or ‘fuck you poles’, will be banned and confiscated upon initial searches of cars once festival-goers enter the festival grounds. “We aren’t just looking for rage sticks, we’re looking for components of rage sticks – duct tape and poles in particular. If you have either, don’t expect to bring them into the campgrounds or to the stages,” said Mike Redman, security chief at Summer Camp. “We’re not allowing anything in that can be made into a rage stick.”

fuckthisshit

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you people?

While the task may be daunting, the need is clear: rage sticks have to go. For far too long, they have been an eyesore, blocking the view of fans, while their creator/owners tilt their necks skyward, marveling at their awesome asshole-ishness.

Umphrey’s McGee lighting director Jeff Waful shared his thoughts on rage sticks, saying “Yeah, it’s great to work on a lighting scheme for ‘Booth Love’ for a few hours, then end up not being able to see it because a handful of douchenozzles decided it was time to show off their arts and crafts project. I love my job, but rage sticks make me wish I was running lighting for a TV station.” Pausing for a moment, Waful then said, “I mean, hypothetically, it would have to be a really awesome TV show, but I’m sure some asshat would ruin that with a rage stick there too.”

Seriously, look at the shit Waful has to put up with:

The proposed list of banned items at ALL major music festivals include:

Poles

20101122_sistar_1 polefitca-pole-dancing-sass

Duct tape

duct-tape

Balloons

real-floating-balloon-home

Stuffed animals

890688dbf5c08bf750a4645575091759

Signs

Not-Sign-low-res

Flags

item_3 Intl flags

Glowing shit

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Pool noodles

pool noodles

Anything Ray John

cheese

and George Clooney

ClooneyRageStick-225x300

Have fun setting up your tents this summer!


2 Comments »

  1. The Saint Abby of the Shire says:

    Seriouly, Collect the rage stick and they can have it back after the show… Why make a big deal out for right to bear duct tape!

    • CB says:

      No. Shoot anyone with rage like contraban. Yup, shoot their wookie asses with a pressure washer to remove all the wookie juice funk.

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