For Immediate Release: Pete ‘PhanArt’ Mason Fired By The Phunion:
Burbank California 06/30/17
Effective immediately, Pete ‘PhanArt’ Mason has been relieved of duties in his role as CEO for the highly unpleasant and extremely offensive satirical jamband website The Phunion. In a 4-1 vote, board members have announced Reverend Justito (aka Robert Palmer Plore) as the new CEO of The Phunion LLC. Where members of Phish, Umphrey’s McGee, Widespread Panic, and moe., voted in favor of Justito while crystal worshiping and alleged Koch Brother supporters String Cheese Incident voted in favor of the man who needs to keep his fucking shirt on.
When reached for comment, Justito shared the following:
It is a sad day for The Phunion. We are extremely grateful to Pete for founding this amazing concept that is The Phunion and his years of contributions. However, with his weird obsession with D list jam bands and D list music festivals, it was very obvious that his focus was no longer on offending uptight jam band fans. His input the past 18 months has been more pathetic than jam blogs begging you to click on their articles every time Katy Tur references Phish during her woke as fuck left wing liberal newscasts. We wish Pete nothing but the best in his pursuit of focusing on things for 10 minutes at a time just like Warren Haynes. He has great hair.
As of this time, we are still in active negotiations as how we will move forward with the #RealFan branding and merchandise.
Founded in 2009, The Phunion now moves to a four man and one woman team of individuals looking to upset those who take the stale and stagnant jamband scene far too seriously. Amongst their credits, The Phunion has been blocked on Twitter by the likes of David Crosby, Jennifer Hartswick, Nugs.Net, Amanda Bynes, Vulfpeck, and the late Harris Wittels. They were also recently unfollowed by Furry Greg on the social media site.