With Donald Trump set to become President later today, we believe him when he claims he will make America Great Again. We also believe that part of making America great again is making our jam band scene great again (something that Obama failed miserably at). Here are the things we here at The Phunion would love to see Ivanka’s Daddy to do during his four years in Washington D.C.
Take the xylophone away from moe.
Teach Trey Anastasio how to properly play Access Me
Force Umphrey’s McGee to perform no less than 200 shows a year.
Build a wall around Bonnaroo to keep U2, RHCP and Lorde out. Make Coachella pay for it.
Disco Biscuits, Particle and Lotus battle to the death. Only one can survive.
Place Phil Lesh in a protective bubble so he doesn’t die. Then mock Gregg Allman for not getting one.
Deport Bob Ezrin
Revitalize the Rust Belt that voted him into office by opening Brooklyn Bowl venues in Milwaukee, Erie, Grand Rapids, and Columbus.
Appoint the Spin Doctors as surgeons general.
Stimulate the tattoo laser removal industry by sending Mihali from Twiddle their way.
Cut taxes for bands who allow Warren Haynes to sit in.
Replace Obamacare with GoldLikeJoelCare.
Verify Michael Kang’s birth certificate.
Appoint former WSP drummer Todd Nance as the head of the ATF Bureau.
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