As someone who first witnessed the glory of the Boognish in person on a (not so) hot August night in San Francisco where Queens of the Stone Age were far too fucking stoned and there was actual pussy eaten during the L.M.L.Y.P encore; I wanted to take a moment to say thank you for your much needed words about your Lockn experience.
Clearly Phish is one of our favorite bands here at the Phunion. The music is top notch, the energy when they play is something from another dimension, and most of the time the community is pretty fucking spectacular. That being said, the community takes itself far too serious and to be blunt tend to be a bunch of fucking pussies. Your dual performances on Lockn proved that by the way these closed minded twat waffles melted faster than a Popsicle in the hot late August Virginia sunshine.
When Phish plays a song like Fuck Your Face, fans rejoice. Yet these same fans can’t hang over something as innocent as worrying over a pony coughing up snot in the drive way. In a summer where Phish bust outs were few and far between, your band blessed the crowd with the magic of How High Can You Fly>Beacon Light and the crowd looked at you as if you had just shown a dog a card trick. As if that was not worse enough, the fact that you kicked the ever living shit out of Trey Anastasio upon the six stringed fret board during a fantabulous version of A Tear For Eddie should have put the fans of Phish in the palm of your hand. Sadly it did the exact opposite. Unable to acknowledge the fact you kicked the living shit out of the ginger Jedi, the massive crowd of pussies quickly retreated to their tents for the evening.
Over both nights of Lockn, you blessed ungrateful Phish fans with deep cuts and classic Ween. Much like Phish you covered numerous genres of music, the only difference being you actually sound like a country band or a reggae band or a punk rock band while Phish always sounds like Phish. The lack of appreciation by many for your band screams volumes about just how closed minded Phish fans can be. Yet that’s not the reason we are thanking you today. We are here to pay thanks for the awesome post upon your recently revived AskDeaner blog.
In a now deleted post (why Deaner, why?), you spoke the truth. You went out to kick the shit out of Phish and you did just that. Drop the fucking banner on the battleship, Mission Accomplished. Phish fans simply can’t handle that fact. They will call you sloppy and yet forgive the Down With Disease train wreck. What’s even better is how you have trolled them through the entire Lockn experience. From the photo of you posing with Trey’s guitar after your second Lockn set to the recent blog post every single fucking Phish fan is once again talking about Ween. Will it move more units of White Pepper? Probably not, but you have managed to rile up a closed minded fan base filled with people who will drop thousands of dollars to see Jon, Mike, Page, and Trey play in Mexico, yet fail to grasp the beauty of Bananas and Blow. Hell Trey begged for you guys to get back together and many Phish fans still fail to grasp the magic of Ween. Way to make these fans look like the assholes they truly are.
So thank you Dean Ween. Any true fan of music can find something to appreciate within the diverse catalog of Ween. Fans of both bands marvel in how you have managed to self-promote the joys of the Boognish among the pussies who claim your shows are too sloppy or offensive. #RealJournalists have turned your words into news to generate ad clicks on an otherwise slow Friday. From Twitter to Facebook, cries of Ween suck flood social media from fans who had never even heard of TV on the Radio before the night Anastasio made them famous in Albany. Everyone is talking about Ween on Trey’s birthday and it’s a glorious fucking thing that we are sure Trey is loving.
So thank you for telling it like it is and thank you for putting those closed minded Phish fans in their fucking place. You sir are a fucking genius. Henry Rollins knows what’s up and so do we. We here at the Phunion salute you and can’t wait to paint Hollywood brown with you in less than two weeks. We also invite butthurt Phish fans to explain why Ween sucks in the comments below. They will try, but they will fucking fail because deep down inside they know that Phish had their Ass Handed to them by Ween at Lockn.
Best Regards and fuck Olive Garden (sorry Virgil).
The Insane Frat Bros. Known As The Phunion