June, 2015

  1. Former Jamband Members Highlight Bonnaroo Super Jam

    June 9, 2015 by TreyAntipasta

    With Bonnaroo fast approaching, this year’s Super Jam, always a highlight of the annual festival in Tennessee, will feature former members of popular jambands.

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    The Super Jam, led by Nigel Hall (The Nth Power, Nigel Hall Band, Lettuce, Jon Cleary, lots of bands) will incorporate well known musicians who have parted ways with their former bandmates. Todd Stoops (RAQ, Kung Fu), Jeff Austin (Yonder Mountain String Band, Jeff Austin Band, Otep), David Murphy (STS9), Tom DeLonge (Blink 182) and Dickey Betts (Allman Brother Band, Great Southern) will headline an all-star lineup of ‘What happened to that guy?’ and raising questions of  ‘How are they going to play together? They’re not even the same genres.’

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    “We fully expect Tom to get too drunk to perform but he insists,” reported Dave Mustaine (Metallica, Megadeth) who is curating the Super Jam. “Dickey is presumed to be the wild card for this but this new guy Stoops definitely is on my radar.”

    Added Mustaine, “I have no fucking idea what music they are going to play, but it’s going to be loud and fast and over way before it should be, much like our careers with our former bands.”

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    It all kicks off at 2am on Saturday night at Bonnaroo, with special guests including Jeff Holdsworth and Marc Daubert, formerly of Phish, while Scott Weiland (Stone Temple Pilots, Velvet Revolver) and Dave Navarro (Red Hot Chili Peppers, Jane’s Addiction, Carmen Electra) will show up really late but with some really good drugs, and all will be forgiven.

    Rumors circulate that Vulvatron from GWAR will be the lone female performer at the Super Jam in a yet undetermined role, although a supply of fake blood at Bonnaroo has proved to be difficult to obtain thus far.


  2. Fuck Your Face: The Phunion Previews A Brand New Line Of Sex Toys From Phish

    June 7, 2015 by RobertPalmerPlore

    Inspired by Jam Panties and those silly knickers Phan Art is always trying to sell, Phish plans to move into the more adult oriented merchandise world. The band plans to unleash several new sex toys which will be available during summer tour. We here at The Phunion got a sneak peak at them and let’s just say kinkster Phish fans who are looking for something a bit harder than #UmphLove are in for a treat.

    The Wombat:

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    Don’t kid yourselves perverts, you had to have that. What’s that you ask? The Wombat blow up doll. With this great new toy, you won’t need to worry about moving forward, you only have to focus on giving it in the behind. Sorry Phans, Abe Vigoda is not included.

    Punch You In The Brown Eye:

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    It’s no secret that wooks love butt sex. What better way to warm your dread locked lover up than with the Punch You In The Brown Eye butt plug. Shaped like a fish, this mid-size back side joy ride’s only downside is that lot dogs could confuse it for a chew toy. The plug will be available in several colors including the Fishman donut pattern ™.

    Bouncing Around The Ben Wa Balls:

    bem wa balls

    If a woman is rather hard to keep, well, we can’t legally suggest that you tie her up. However, if you want her to dance above you as you sink, may we suggest these incredible Bouncing Around The Ben Wa Balls? Made with only the finest material, these won’t fall out of your lovely lady as she rages during a massive second set Down With Disease.

    Paul & Silas Handcuffs:

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    Want to keep your man bound and chained all night long? The Paul & Silas handcuffs are the perfect thing for you. Limited to three pairs a show, each cuff will feature the shows date and venue engraved into the stainless steel.

    Mike’s Dong:

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    While many of us hope to see a second jam return to Mike’s Song, with Mike’s Dong, you can jam it as many times as you (or your partner) can handle. Bigger than the bass bombs Gordon drops during those all so sacred moments, this thing is massive. 2 ounces of Weekapaug Lube included with all purchases.

    AC/DC Gag:

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    While many will tell you that ball gags and nooses simply don’t mix, Master Palmer isn’t concerned with your safety. This extremely hardcore set will rock your favorite submissive harder than the 9/14/99 version of the song that this naughty treat takes its name from. This item is only recommended for people who saw Phish before the hiatus.

    Phish has asked all us to stress the importance of a safe word to each and everyone of you debating buying these products. Trey has personally requested that you use ‘Fuego’ as your safe word, since it worked so well for him last summer.