1. Phish Retiring AC/DC Bag

    April 16, 2014 by TreyAntipasta

    Phish is planning to retire the original song “AC/DC Bag” at the end of their 2014 Summer Tour, sources have reported. Ending a 28-year run with the band, “AC/DC Bag” has been a staple of many Phish shows, but for now, the song will take its show on the road one last time.

    There have been rumors in recent tours of the declining health of Mr. Palmer, mixed with unconfirmed reports of six weeks of execution times booked for Vancouver this spring. Confirmed reasons were cited by Trey in a letter to fans:

    “Last Friday night, I got together with Mike, Page and Fish to talk openly about the strong feelings I’ve been having that AC/DC Bag has run its course and that we should end it now while it’s still on a high note. We don’t want the song to become a first set caricature of itself, or worse yet, a nostalgia tune. By the end of the meeting, we realized that after almost twenty-eight years playing AC/DC Bag together, we were faced with the opportunity to graciously step away in unison, as a group, united against ever playing AC/DC Bag again.

    So Dick’s will be the final AC/DC Bag performance. We are proud and thrilled that it will be at Dick’s. We hope you will all enjoy our Bag at Dick’s.”

    $T2eC16F,!zoE9s5nc30bBSFsGinEH!~~60_35

    R.I.P.

    Fans have so far been stunned by the news, with fans scrambling to save up for Hawaii New Years Eve run, and now knowing there will be no Hawaiian Bag later this year. “They’ll play it again, one day. You don’t just stop playing a song!” said an unnamed vet who had seen a reported 125 Bags in his day. Said someone walking by just then, “Dabs.”

    Phish fans needn’t worry – they can catch “AC/DC Bag” in the first set of every few shows this summer, a chant of “We Love Bag at Dicks” on August 31, followed by a rebound relationship with “Stealing Time From the Faulty Plan” and, once a year, the Boise Bag.


  2. The Phunion’s NYE 2013 Wishlist

    December 28, 2013 by TreyAntipasta

    Once again, The Phunion has sat down, put on our Phishing caps and thought long and hard about what we want from Phish this upcoming New Years run at MSG. This is what we came up with:

    • A NYE run without Wading in the Velvet Sea or Alaska. Not in the first set. Not in the second set. Not in the third set. Just none at all.
    • A Tube that lasts longer than a wait in an MSG beer line. How hard is that?
    • Someone flying down from the new walkways upstairs, wearing a Wingsuit
    • More of those nice ladies that give you back the bottle caps to the beer/soda.
    • Sugar Shack. But instead of Trey’s (Scott’s) solo, he plays Auld Land Syne so he doesn’t have to embarrass himself.

    NYEMSG11-close-up

    • Open NYE with Billy Squier’s “The Stroke” to keep the theme of “You got to please yourself” after last year’s Garden Party.
    • No versions of Snow, Amidst the Pearls of Laughter or the shitty tunes from Wingsuit. Seriously.
    • A holiday album covered during Set 2 of New Years Eve. Who wouldnt love to hear Mike sing some Bing Crosby Christmas classics?!
    • More Glowsticks! We want to feel like it’s 12/30/97 again! Or at least 1998. Maybe 1994? Nah. 1997.
    • Anything besides Down With Disease or Runaway Jim out of Auld Lang Syne. You have a big catalog – go nuts!
    • Wooing during inappropriate times – open space of Divided Sky, during Wingsuit, setbreak, bathroom woos, etc…

    Safe travels to YEMSG everyone.

    Love,

    The Phunion

    XOXO


  3. The Phunion’s Holiday Gift List

    December 20, 2013 by TreyAntipasta

    Want to get something for one of your favorite musicians? Well look no further! We have compiled all the gift ideas for your favorite musicians. Keep them in mind this holiday season while you are out shopping!

    $20 plus shipping on Dry Goods (just a guess)

    $20 plus shipping on Dry Goods (just a guess)

    Trey Anastasio – New flannels and lessons from Scott Murawski on how to play “Sugar Shack”.

    John Popper – A life size Jonah Hill cardboard cutout.

    Marc Brownstein – Neck massage, Fisherman’s Friend and a flat breezy.

    Marco Benevento – Anything Makers Mark.

    Mike Gordon – Scarves. Lots of scarves. Also, shiny sleeves, shiny pants, shiny sneakers, shiny scarves and a copy of The Shining on laser disc.

    The National – Prozac.

    Phish Fans – A live DVD in HD.

    Tom Marshall – A nice pair of slacks.

    Grouplove – lessons on how to jam, to go with their faux hippie image.

    Michael Franti – A pick me up.

    The Baby’s Mouth – Any Phish from before 2009 (they’re new).

    Jon Fishman – A vasectomy.

    Dave Schools – Ribs.

    John Bell – Whisky.

    MGMT – Another 15 minutes.

    Sam from Dog Gone Presents – A sense of humor.

    Tool – Enough of Maynard’s attention to make a new record.

    Phil Lesh – A second verse to the Donor Rap.

    Gene Ween – A sober ninja. (We recommend Scotty B).

    Arcade Fire fans – Gift cards to The Men’s Warehouse so they can afford an outfit for the show.

    Matt Abts – A drum tech who looks just like him.

    PhanArt – A haircut that doesn’t look like Fishman from 2010.

    Bieber – A full mustache and any Phish from before 2009 (he’s new).

    Bob Weir – Life Alert.

    John Scofield – Soul.

    Mastodon – An agent to book them at hippie festivals, because hippies need to be scared once in a while.

    Safe Travels to MSG and Happy New Year everyone!


  4. Warren Haynes Hologram to Sit-in with Warren Haynes at Christmas Jam

    December 13, 2013 by TreyAntipasta

    Christmas Jam is proud to announce that for this year’s installment, held in Asheville, North Carolina over Friday the 13th and Saturday the 14th , a hologram of Warren Haynes will be a featured guest throughout the night, allowing Haynes to be on stage, in one form or another, throughout the night’s. With performances from Widespread Panic, Phil Lesh, John Scofield and Grace Potter & The Nocturnals, among many others, Haynes will be able to add his signature guitar sound and vocal howl to every band. While Haynes is accustomed to taking breaks in between sitting in with most bands, his own hologram, rumored to be the first of its kind for a living musician, will cover these breaks and allow Warren Haynes Christmas Jam to embrace its name more than ever before.

    w_1

    Real or hologram Warren? Find out at Christmas Jam!

    “This was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up, especially since this is the 25th annual Christmas Jam,” said Haynes. “It just seemed like the right time to debut the hologram and allow me a chance to sit in with everyone without draining myself, but also now I won’t feel bad for not sitting in with a handful of people. I can’t possibly sit in with everyone. The hologram is the great equalizer here.”

    One act that has yet to be announced, but will be closing out the night, close to 1am Sunday morning, will be the Warren Haynes Super Christmas Jam. Featuring members of Widespread Panic, Phil Lesh, Grace Potter, Count M’Butu and Col. Bruce Hampton, Warren Haynes will perform select classic rock tunes with the supergroup, including a duet of “White Horses” with Hologram Warren, followed by 10 minutes of trading licks and playing over each other.

    “I saw them practicing together and it was the closest to seeing God as I will even get,” said Gregg Allman. “I fully expect Colonel Bruce’s head to explode on stage when he sees not one but TWO Warrens. It is going to be some shit!”

    Hologram Jerry was unavailable for comment, due to the hologram company’s priorities being very messed up.

    140_1warren_haynes

    Hologram or real Warren? Find out at Christmas Jam!


  5. 23 Signs You Are Listening To Too Much Phish

    November 13, 2013 by RobertPalmerPlore

    Face it, we all love Phish. However, we all know a few individuals who simply don’t know when to say when. In honor of them, we have compiled a list of 23 signs you are listening to too much Phish.

    23. You named your Cactus Mike

    cactus

    22. You skipped your father’s funeral so you could ride the rail during a mediocre 2.0 era performance.

    phish front row

    21. You have spent hours on Google maps looking at the freeways in Los Angeles

    Los Angeles Freeway

    20. You have looked into adopting a wombat

    wombat

    19. You have spent hours watching Justin Bieber videos on YouTube in hopes that Kanter sneaks in a Vultures tease.

    18. You signed up for Fantasy Football this year just so you could draft Russell Wilson

    russel willson

    17. You spent an entire hour with your shrink working out your anger issues over the loss of the rumor section on Andy Gadiel’s Phish Page.

    Psychiatrist's couch

    16. You convince yourself you have the power to officially ban people from Phish tour.

    phish cop final

    15. You cut off any car with a Phish sticker that you see in order to show off your stickers and that nifty Slave To The Traffic Light license plate frame
    phish sticker
    (Editor’s Note: We have never seen the above vehicle cut anyone off. We just think it’s a really cool picture)

    14. You hold art conventions at crappy hotels in Atlantic City

    phan art

    13. You went to a Dick’s Sporting Goods store and bought a soccer ball. You never used it, instead it sits in the back of your trunk next to your jumper cables.

    dicks'

    12. You go above and beyond the call of duty when taking care of your shoes

    take care of your shoes

    11. You skip important phone calls knowing that if you pause the LivePhish app, you will never make it through that Rock & Roll

    live phish fail

    10. You have started change.org petitions urging Subway to create a special French Toast Monte Cristo $5 footlong in honor of Page McConnell

    subway

    (Note: You can sign our actual petition for this cause here.)

    9. You weren’t disappointed with the Halloween cover set or thought it would be uncool to say you were.

    wingsuit

    8. You’ve slept with someone you met via twitter / “Twibe.”

    twibe

    7. You enjoy anonymously making fun of Antelope Greg

    antelope greg final

    6. You have a playlist called “HeyScottyB’s favorite Harry Hoods of All-Time to be Learned and Memorized.”

    harry hood scotty b

    5. You’ve met Trey. On purpose. Like you followed him.

    trey

    4. Siri knows the difference between Phish and Fish

    siri phish

    3. You enjoy telling fans of the The Hangover that Todd Phillips also directed a Phish documentary.

    todd phillips

    2. You capitalize the word “Lot.”

    phish lot

    1. You only listen to Phish

    listen to phish


  6. Phish Halloween 2013: The Case for Scary Monster & Nice Sprites

    October 31, 2013 by RobertPalmerPlore

    Yes, we once again plan to italicize the fact we 100% stole this idea from Relix, and yes we once again will set up pretty hyperlinks so you can read our cases for Kill ‘Em All, Hot Fuss, and No Doy.

    skrillex

    As we touched on in our case for Hot Fuss, Phish has kept things conservative and old school with their past musical costumes. JEMP marketing research not made public but leaked to us from a source that asked to remain anonymous has indicated that kids in dorms today no longer trade Phish tapes. The research went onto share that the average college sophomore would rather trade EDM files instead.

    With Phish fans getting older, the band is in desperate need of some youth interjection. What better way to do that then drop the Scary Monsters & Nice Sprites EP by Skrillex on Atlantic City. Who doesn’t love Scary Monsters on Halloween? Using a mix of their traditional instruments and the boom box that drowned out that legendary Blackwood Convention gig back in 1983, Phish could once again catapult themselves into the dorm rooms of America with a ferocious cover of this modern day classic.

    skrill

    Why They Might Do It: If the set up above is not reason enough, how about the potential of injecting some new life into a musical outfit who has never feared trying new things? Not including remixes, Scary Monsters & Nice Sprites is four tracks spanning roughly 14 minutes in length. Clearly The Phish From Vermont will use songs like “Rock n Roll (Will Take You To The Mountain)” as vessels of lengthy improvised explorations of the legendary brown note, but look for “Kill Everybody” to be the true standout moment of the night. An ample opportunity to show the world that vacuum solos were the original dubstep bass drop, look for Fishman to have a field day with this uplifting ditty.

    Why They Probably Won’t Do It: It’s fucking Skrillex.


  7. Phish Halloween 2013: The Case For No Doy

    October 30, 2013 by RobertPalmerPlore

    Since we have yet to get a cease and desist from Relix for stealing their idea and making cases for Halloween Records Phish will never fucking cover, we have another one for you to dissect. Having already made cases for Kill ‘Em All and Hot Fuss, this time out we look at No Doy by moe.

    no doy

    From Portland to Portland, jam band fans have complained for years that Phish does not jam long enough, and that moe. jams are way too long. Thankfully with moe. taking Halloween 2013 off in order to pick up extra shifts at this McDonalds location, Phish may very well open the door for a revenue sharing program for jam bands similar to the one Major League Baseball has when they cover the 1996 classic No Doy.

    Clocking in at nearly 60 minutes, No Doy received a 3 out of 5 star rating from All Music. The first major label release from the upstate New York band can now be found in the bargain bin of one of the 183 used record stores left in North America. While moe. never made a music video for any of the albums songs, tracks like “Moth”, “Buster”, and “Spine of a Dog” are still played by the band at undersold club gigs across American, Europe, and sometimes Japan.

    moe potato

    Why They Might Do It: In addition to the fact that this would be the first time these songs have been heard by a large audience since moe. opened for Robert Plant back in 2002, the nine tracks found on No Doy are built for jams. With the recent visit to Glens Falls now in the rear view, Phish once again wants to stretch well into the morning of November 1st, what better way than playing the same 28 minute jam over and over again just like moe. has for nearly 25 years? Another great thing about this album – imagine how pumped Mr. Miner will be when he writes 10,000 words on Mike Gordon nailing the beefy vocals of fellow bassist Rob Derhak on “Bring You Down”? Another added bonus is this will be the first time The Baby’s Mouth hears the music of moe., and there is a very good chance they max out their parents credit cards following the band in 2014.

    Why They Probably Won’t Do It: The biggest thing going against Phish covering No Doy for Halloween is the jam band Illuminati. With moe.rons keeping track of how many times Chuck has kicked Al’s ass on stage night after night, they simply can’t allow for Trey Anastasio to show both of them up with his Ocelot guitar. Another issue with this album is the fact that it contains the worst take of “St. Augustine” released by moe. and Fishman would die of embarrassment from having to recreate the lackluster beats of Chris Mazur.

    We also worry that Philadelphia Eagles fans who make the trek to Atlantic City may take offense to the album’s final track Four. With the sting of watching their dog killing quarterback piss away another season, Eagles fans are almost as sensitive to jokes about themselves as Phish fans are. The last thing we need is a fight at a show. That shit only happens at Widespread Panic shows.

    Editor’s Note: Typically we would leave a YouTube link to the album here. However, no one has actually uploaded No Doy to YouTube, so here is five minutes of pointless banter from a past show.


  8. Phish Halloween 2013: The Case For Hot Fuss

    October 30, 2013 by RobertPalmerPlore

    In a similar fashion to Relix, we are sharing albums we feel Phish should cover in Atlantic City for Halloween 2013. Unlike Relix, our posts are not funny. Click here to read our case for Metallica’s debut album Kill ‘Em All.

    Hot-Fuss

    Since 1994, Phish has covered six albums on Halloween night. The most recent release was 1980’s Remain in Light by Talking Heads. While Purple Rain by Prince, Kid A by Radiohead and Oracular Spectacular by MGMT all ended up as campgrounds for Festival 8, 2013 will be the year that Phish covers an album released long after Ronald Reagan took controls as puppet president of the United States of America.

    While countless albums have been released since Remain in Light, there is one single album that is screaming for Phish to cover it. That album is Hot Fuss by The Killers. Released a few short days after Trey Anastasio broke Phish up, The Killers picked up the torch of ‘band most white people enjoy dancing awkwardly to’ at the exact same moment Page began to cry at Coventry.

    Featuring five massive radio singles, Hot Fuss put the final nail in the coffin of the faux hippie trend that spread across America like wildfire during the 1990’s. With the nation involved in two wars, this was no time to be a hippie. Instead Hot Fuss turned the youth into faux hipsters decked out in v-neck shirts and cropped pants. You couldn’t walk into an oxygen bar in the middle part of last decade without hearing Mr. Brightside played at maximum volume. Without Hot Fuss knocking down the doors of acceptable music for douchebags in Von Dutch hats everywhere, Trey Anastasio would have never had a chance to work with Mates of States and The National on that last solo album we can’t even remember the name of.

    the killers

    Why They Might Do It: Little girls love The Killers. Since the various children of Phish won’t be able to Trick or Treat on Halloween night, the boys from Vermont will do everything they can to look cool in front of their kids. With Hot Fuss, they can do that, while not selling their souls by covering something as dreadful and uninspired as the guy whose Dad played Jason Seaver on Growing Pains. This is also a great chance to stretch “Somebody Told Me” into Tahoe “Tweezer” territory, because that’s something the world really needs in 2013. With Fish typically taking vocals during Halloween gigs, we feel ”On Top” would be appropriate, because do you really think Jon is a bottom? Another added bonus is the fact The Killers only have four members and plenty of keyboards, so Page will actually have something to do besides eat sandwiches and watch re-runs of House.

    Why They Probably Won’t Do It: The biggest challenge facing Phish in covering Hot Fuss is the structural integrity of Boardwalk Hall. With the thunderous bass line opening of the albums first song, “Jenny Was A Friend Of Mine”, we all know Mike Gordon could destroy the building before Anastasio gets the opportunity to flub lyrics about ‘fights on the promenade in the rain.’ Could you imagine checking the Phish From The Road Instagram feed to discover that the only survivor was Antelope Greg? Another problem with this album cover is the entire second half. With the first half of the album featuring all the hits, chances are phans would sneak out during the second half of the set in hopes of getting another round of beers before Phish returns to being the profitable 90′s nostalgia act that we have grown to love since that Barry guy from Illinois failed to deliver the Change he promised us.

    One final thing going against Phish when it comes to covering the music of The Killers: not a single member of Phish on their best day will be as pretty as Brandon Flowers on his worst day.


  9. Phish Halloween 2013: The Case For Kill ‘Em All

    October 29, 2013 by RobertPalmerPlore

    As every rat on couch tour has tweeted about for the last week, it is kangfirmed that Phish is going to play an album from 1983 this Thursday night in Atlantic City. While you can find cases for Chocolate & Cheese, Thriller, and even Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots out there on the world wide web, there is one album that screams for Phish to cover it on Halloween night. That album is Kill ‘Em All by Metallica.

    kill em all

    When it comes down to it, both Phish and Metallica have followed similar career paths. In the early days, both bands avoided MTV while focusing their attention to the road and creating a killer live show. By the time the 1990’s came around, both bands took unique paths of trajectory in bringing the underground to the main stream. While Metallica clearly enjoyed more commercial success than Phish as Enter Sandman got far more plays than Down With Disease, both bands suffered from unfortunate haircuts during the mid 1990’s. We should also point out here that both bands have four members, because as many respectable fan publications will tell you, Phish would never tackle and album from a band with numerous members. Sorry Slipknot and Arcade Fire.

    metallica

    The biggest hint comes not from the fact that both front men have had long stints in rehab, but a stage shared in Atlantic City back in 2012. As Phish.net is kind enough to point out, Trey Anastasio of Phish requested that fans write Metallica and if they could reach 20,000 individual letters, perhaps Metallica would change up Master of Puppets. Rumor has it that only 17 letters made it to Metallica before Lars Ulrich put a cease and desist on the operation. Thankfully, one of those letters from a fan named Meearf made it into the hands of Kirk Hammett. While Hammett was unable to convince Lars and James to change the ending of Master of Puppets, he did reach out to Phish management and informed them that if Trey really wanted Metallica to change up Master of Puppets, he needed to line the pockets of Lars and James. What better way than to cover an entire Metallica album? Thus the legend of a Kill ‘Em All Halloween was born.

    Why They Might Do It: Phish guitarist Trey Anastasio has already gone on record sharing that he wants to cover Master of Puppets, so why not cover Kill ‘Em All? Need another hint? Look no further to the explorations in distortion that Mike Gordon has experienced over the past year. Clear as day that he is aiming up for massive bass bombs during “(Anesthesia) Pulling Teeth.” For those obsessed with cloud images in fall tour artwork, know that is simply an ode to late bassist Cliff Burton, who will look down upon Atlantic City from heaven as Phish tears up Metallica’s debut album. Another positive sign is how rough the vocals of Mike and Trey have been this tour (especially in Hampton). Clearly they had been doing more screaming than singing in practice leading up to this tour.

    Why They Probably Won’t Do It: Phish are simply too old to play 45 minutes of pure unadulterated thrash metal. While Lars Ulrich isn’t the world’s best drummer, chances are Fish would need an entire banana tree to make it through songs like “Hit The Lights”, “Whiplash”, and “Seek and Destroy”. Likewise, Page McConnell would look really silly recreating the monstrous riffs of Hammett and Hetfield. Sadly the biggest reason Phish won’t cover Metallica’s Kill ‘Em All is the fact they don’t want to deal with Dave Mustaine crying to Fox News about it for the next 18 months that he didn’t get royalites for all the songs he wrote for the album.


  10. A Blog Post about Blog Posts about Tahoe Tweezer and Listening to Phish

    September 25, 2013 by TreyAntipasta

    There may be no more self-indulgent topic to bring up than how awesome Phish is, especially when you can layer it with a breakdown of Tahoe Tweezer and talking about ‘jam length’. Everyone knows it’s how long a jam is that matters, not the contents of it. Long Beach “Rock n Roll” was longer than the Alpharetta “Chalkdust,” therefore fans will have to accept that the former is better than the latter, and always will be. We’re writing about it in an essay using supercilious words, as a way to preserve this heightened opinion for all eternity. Because Phish is eternal and it is hyperbole to say that writing about Tahoe Tweezer might be the worst thing ever in the history of the written word.

    orb4o

    In many ways, this is the fault of the U.S. education system creating a generation of poor writers and parents assuring kids that no matter what, they are special, wonderful people whose opinions are important and matter, no matter how far fetched and dickish they come off. Phish has played some long jams, so it’s a prime thing to talk about, since those short jams are for fucking pussies. That’s right. Take your Alpharetta Chalkdust Torture and shove it up your ass. That jam SUCKED because it wasn’t long enough.

    In producing an outrageous 3200 ‘essay’ (but we all know it’s just a blog post), self-indulgent and frequent thesaurus.com users The Baby’s Mouth have given Phish fans something to read, in the hopes that it comes off as something academic, educated, and dare we say, sensible. But it does none of these things, because anyone who read their Tahoe Tweezer breakdown just lost a year of education, not to mention an hour of sifting through large words like ‘oeuvre’ and phrases like ‘blissy interstitial’, not to mention quoting Samuel Beckett. If the Zombie Apocalypse happens, Beckett is making a beeline for The Baby’s Mouth, but will come up dry when he searches for brains.

    This is not to say we don’t like The Baby’s Mouth writing. Well, we don’t. We did like that ‘Cubist’ blog post. That one was good. It was long, but it was good. But it’s been downhill from there. Have you read their Twitter feed? We rest our case.

    The “Tahoe Tweezer” blog post is nothing if not that rare, singular piece of writing that makes people hate the topic, and not in a ‘Oh you’ll end up hating this guy you thought you loved’ kind of way, but rather in a ‘You love this and we’re going to make you sick of it, in a milk-fed-veal meets force-fed-foie-gras-duck kind of way’. No, this isn’t going to be pretty.

    What’s missing in a discussion about a long jam from a certain year is that it takes center-stage for a while, until the next big thing comes around. Remember the Cobo DWD? The Long Beach Rock n Roll? What about St. Louis Limb by Limb? Those were big jams too. But fuck ‘em, right? None of them were 30+ minutes long, which is the only metric to measure Phish by. “Can I listen to this long jam and masturbate before the Xanax fully kicks in?” – If the answer is no, then Fuck. That. Jam.

    When we collectively listen to Phish, and read all about it, we set ourselves up for disappointment. There are dozens of Phish blogs out there (they are all blogs) and some are more informative than others. Phish.net has reviews of shows from trusted people, and if we don’t want to read them, well Phish.net is kind enough to only Tweet it once and be done with it. People will read and comment, but it’s nothing more than one person’s casual take on a show. Mr. Miner, quite possibly the most devoted fan who reviews every single show, has discussion areas below his reviews and musings that allows his fans to comment about his writing. But people can choose to read or not read his site, in its entirety. Ditto his book, which we have to say, makes the world’s heaviest fucking paperweight. Dave, are the pages are made of slate? Either way, we’re glad we bought two. High five!

    A musical obsession that lasts more than four hours requires the attention of a doctor. No, we’re not making a Dr. Gabel reference (fuck that one-timer). Rather, we’re saying that Pfizer needs to come up with musical Viagra for those who can’t get off Tahoe Tweezer’s dick. Remember that first regular sex partner you had? How you just had a ton of sex and really loved it and were a bit pissed when it ended? What if it didn’t end? That’s like fantasizing about Tahoe Tweezer over. And over. And over. And over. Until the next big one comes along and you ride that shit till its chafing and dry.

    The fact that Tahoe Tweezer is such a point of self-congratulatory bullshit is a #SlowBuild towards extremism. Hear us out. When you salivate over one core principle, one key belief, and do nothing more than talk about the same shit over and over, you become fanatical, you become obsessed and you block everything else out. You become addicted to Phish, but not in the ‘Yay, I love Phish, tour, Woohoo!’ way. Instead, in the ‘Fuck anyone who speaks ill of this band or this song or writes a satirical blog post about them. That’s right, fuck them.’ What’s happening here is you end up becoming more than an extremist with an addiction. You become… a terrorist.

    The Baby’s Mouth, heretofore known as Al-Shaababy, has coerced fans into thinking that long-winded breakdowns of Tahoe Tweezer and opining as to why Phish fans are special (did you guess that they’re millennials?) are necessary things that, if read dutifully, will help you like Phish more. Shit, they even have YEMblog retweeting them. Has Stockholm Syndrome set in amongst the Phish community? These terrorists have hijacked our songs and our love of our band.

    But back to the “Tahoe Tweezer.” The peaks, the keys, the transitions – why in the fuck do you need to read what someone else thinks of a song? It’s enjoyable as a group, sure, but mostly, you’re listening to it in your car, on your computer or on your iPod… ALONE! So fucking enjoy it alone and don’t worry about a breakdown of all the minutes and the phases and the exploration. Let your mind do the thinking. Think for yourself for fuck’s sake. We’re Phish fans. We’re special and we can do that special shit if we want to.

    Did Trey Anastasio change the course of Rock and Roll? Fuck if we know. I don’t see Blurred Lines clocking in at 10 minutes with a Type II jam. Miley Cyrus isn’t twerking to Light. Is improv ruling the radio airwaves? No, it isn’t. Trey went to college in 1983. He graduated in 1988. In 1993 he might have married Sue, then had some kids, then played with Phish and where in the fuck did he change the course of rock and roll?

    Simple answer – he didn’t. He just made awesome music with Mike Gordon, Page McConnell and Jon Fishman, because the four of them make awesome music. End of fucking story.

    Now stop reading our opinion of Phish before we contradict all that we typed above. That is, all 1,240 words that were edited by Mrs. Pizza Shit.